In this episode of “Outliving Depression,” host James Kennison shares his ongoing journey with depression, describing how it comes in waves but that he has recently experienced a positive turnaround. He recounts a humorous incident at church involving a joke from the pastor and a mix-up with dogs that his daughter became attached to, leading her to adopt a dog named Georgie. James also discusses his weight loss journey, noting his significant progress and his surprise at fitting into smaller shirts. He reflects on his family. James announces some pretty good stuff and then shares what he’s been reading and watching expressing how much he enjoys these stories. Overall, the episode combines personal anecdotes, humor, and insights into managing mental health.
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Transcript:
Welcome to Outliving Depression. I’m your host James Kennison reminding you that depression is a liar. You have value even when you’re broken and you are stronger than you feel you are. This is my audio journal where I am striving to outlive depression. How you doing folks? I know it’s been a while. I, I, you know, had had a rough patch. Things seem to be turning around. I went really low, or no, I went sorta low, and then I went really low. And now I’m back for the most part. Depression and me have these games we play
together where I used to be depressed all the time and now it comes in waves. I think I’ll get 3 to 6 months off where everything’s good, and then I’ll get 1 or 2 months, 3 months where it comes back. I outlived another 1, So I’m here and I can’t wait to tell you about it. But first I want to tell you something kind of silly that happened this morning at church. It’s juvenile, but we all love some good juvenile humor. I’ve been going to church with my wife. We’ve always, I guess, been a part of
a church community, but not necessarily 1 that’s had services every week. So this is kind of a new thing for us. Haven’t done Sunday services for a while. But when I tell you about this joke, you’ll know that I, we picked the right place. The pastor was up there and he was talking about his associate pastor and how he was a, he was a good, and then he stopped. He’s a good, and he says, what I was gonna say is he was a strong number 2. He said like a poop joke, but I’m not saying that,
but that’s what I was going to say. That he’s a strong number 2. And I was like, you know what? I kind of like this place. I always wondered that on Star Trek Next Generation, where he called his sidekick number 1. His number 1. Anyway, it’s dumb. Topic for today is basically kind of catching you up on everything because I believe the last couple of times I podcasted, I talked about trying to maintain my disciplines, which are reading, praying, walking, working, something else, working out and podcasting. And I even had an episode called podcasting sad. And
that’s when things had just dipped down a little bit, then the bottom fell out. Basically, we just had some stuff happen in real life that affects the family. And it’s, it was like the last time I went down, I was headed down. It was back when I had that first job at the hat company and I started getting really stressed out. Then I was let go and I went really far down after that. And I didn’t think I would, but I did. So life definitely plays a role in my depression. And I guess that’s a good
thing because used to there was absolutely nothing wrong And I was depressed. Anyway, at least now, there’s something for it to be grounded to. Let me update you. I’ll tell you, we went on a river trip. My wife has this thing that she always wants to take the kids down a river every year. And we’ve been doing float trips and kayak trips and stuff. You know, just little drives out to the Lake of the Ozarks area, get a room for the night and go down a river. And we did that. And when we came back, we
had a message from the Airbnb guy, because we had this cabin was out in a bunch of land and he had said, no dogs. It said it all over the place. And he leaves a message and my wife, you know, gets it after we get off the river. And it’s like, you need to come get your dogs. We’re like, what? Sure enough, when we pull up to the place, there’s this mama dog and about 6 or 7 puppies running around outside that he thinks are ours. And the kids are out there playing with them and all
this kind of stuff. And we, you know, my wife calls him back and says, look, those are not our dogs. And he felt really, really bad. And he should have, because he shouldn’t have just assumed, you know, to call us up like we were nine-year-olds and yell this like that. But short of that, he was really nice and he was even nicer after he screwed up. 1 thing that happened is that my daughter fell in love with these dogs. We went out to dinner and when we got back, they were packed up, taken away. She’s like,
what do you think you did with them? I’m like, well, he probably knows, you know, figured out who they belong to. There ain’t but like 9 people that live around here. And she says, I’m going to call him. I’m going to find out where he took him, because I want 1 of those dogs. And me and Jen tried to talk her out of it. You are in college. You have school. You have full time. You know, you’re working. You don’t need a dog like Jenna. That’s a 15 year commitment. Your kids are going to know this
dog. It’s an outside dog. They have totally different natures than inside. I mean, we did our best, but my daughter is nothing if not determined. And she always has been. You guys go back and listen to the old days when I was raising her on her little butt. And you’ll know this is par for the course for her when she sets her mind to something. Man, I can’t whoop her no more. So she did it. She calls the old man. The old man gives her the name of the lady. Jenna looks her up on Facebook, friends
her, messengers her, goes over there, tells her what dog she wants, and the lady’s gonna let her go. Then she says, no, it’s too soon. It’s too soon for you to have them come back in a week. So we drove 2 and a half hours home and Jenna that very next weekend drove up there and got her dog, came back with it, named it after George Strait. Her name, the dog’s name is Georgie. And Georgie turned out to be a fantastic dog. Jenna went back to school about a week ago, 2 weeks now, 2 weeks now.
And I miss Georgie. I hate to say it, cause you guys know I don’t like dogs But George is a country dog, dude Ain’t no prissy little shit zoo or a Maltese mix. He’s he’s daggum real dog She She’s awesome. She’s so smart. She’s she got trained so fast, I think because of the other dogs about going outside. She wouldn’t just ring the bell. We have this bell that the dogs ring when they go out. She would bite the bell and fight it. And so I have a dog I hate, a dog I don’t like, and
then a dog I like, and the dog I like I don’t even own. We went up to see Jenna this past weekend. She moved in with 4, 3 other friends, 4 of them total into an apartment complex that is custom built for college kids. And so there are 4 rooms, each with their own bathroom, with a small shared living room and kitchen. And each room only opens to 1 of the girls’ key cards. But the front door opens to all 4 of their key cards. So they have their own locked area, their own bathroom. Say 1
of them splits and breaks the lease, it doesn’t hurt the other girls. The other girls still pay what they’re supposed to. So internet’s covered. It’s all inclusive kind of thing. It’s really nice. They’ve got a workout room, a pool, big old pool. They have a safe place to drop off Amazon packages and there’s a tram that goes back and forth from the school to the place. And anyway, so we went and saw it a few days because she left on Friday. Then we went out there on the following Sunday and got to see her all set
up and she had a room all pretty and proud of her. And that was a good day. The good day, the river trip was good, but it was hard, you know? It took a lot of energy, But I know it sounds like we’re doing a lot of stuff here But we went a few weeks later on our real vacation because that was just like a weekend thing We went to Florida to the Panhandle Panama City Beach. We got an Airbnb there, right on the beach. I was very depressed before we went there. And when we got
there, for some reason, it’s like depression just disengaged. I had a great time. And I tell you, being thin, because I am, I’m pretty skinny now, it totally changes everything. Like going to the pool, getting in the water, going without a shirt. It’s pretty amazing. And then going out to eat with the kids and just being involved, like I would mostly on vacations just stay in the room the whole time playing video games and sleeping. And the family would go and do stuff and I would join them for meals. Well, this time I was involved in
everything and I made a point, kind of trying to make up for lost time, you know? And the last day there was August 8th, which was my 51st birthday, the family got together and rented a pontoon for me to drive around. And so the way Panama city beach is set up is there’s a, I don’t know, there’s like a bay. So you’re not getting the waves straight off the Gulf of Mexico. And there’s this area for pontoon boats to go around in. And you can go out to this island called Shell Island. And then there’s an
area where you can find sand dollars. And my wife found 2, unfortunately, they were alive and you have to put those back because if they’re green, they’re alive. If they’re white, they’re dead. And she found She found like 2 or 3 and I had to put them back though. You know, pontoons are the minivans of the water, but I felt like a million bucks. I’ve always wanted to drive a boat and yeah, it’s not super fast or anything, but it was super fun. The kids enjoyed that crap out of it. And they were all jumping off
of it and stuff. And we got in some deeper water and started diving. And they’re like, dad, get in the water. And I was like, my brain is still wired like a fat guy. So I was like, nah. And then I was like, no, they’re asking you. And so dude, shirt came off, flip-flops came off. I went and jumped in. I didn’t care how cold the water is. We were doing all kinds of stuff. I was trying to do flips off of it, and they were just laughing at me, which is great. You know, and I
swear the whole whole day was just so good. The best birthday ever. They took me to dinner afterwards, but renting that boat was fun. It was a lot of fun. The last real thing that I guess I need to… Well, Okay, let me do this and then I’ll tell you the big news. When we got back, I got depressed again. It was just weird. Like I said, I unplugged it for a while. I don’t know. But when I got back, I didn’t have it in me to do podcasting. I, I wasn’t, I was trying to do
some of my disciplines. I was trying to get back on the treadmill. I was trying to pray. I was trying to read. Reading was 1 thing that I stuck with the most, but there’s a point I wasn’t doing anything for like a month. I got off of it And I’m still not back 100% on walking. Like I used to walk 5 days, 6 days a week or whatever it was. And I have been hit and miss with that. I’ve been reading the Bible every morning. So anyway, depression, sadness, but this whole time, this whole time, every,
every update I’ve given you from the last time I’ve podcasted till today, when I’m podcasting now I’ve been on indeed.com looking for a job because you know, I quit fast science, had a bad experience with the boss there, just a toxic kind of thing. I don’t know if I reported this, but my 2 coworkers also quit. So I’ve been submitting things and I had some Zoom interviews here and there, and I thought they went good and I got, you know, oh, we’re going in a different direction, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I don’t know what’s wrong
with me, but I was pretty fed up with Indeed because indeed.com lists all these graphic design jobs that suddenly you need a degree for. And it’s like, you’re not paying. Like I would be mad if I went to college and you’re offering 17, 14, $20 an hour for all that you want out of me. Because Graphic design is 1 of those things that not a lot of people can do, but people think it’s super easy and not worth it. And it’s like, no logos and graphics and signage and that’s everything. Everything you ever look at in
America is graphic design. Every light logo, every icon, every everything, everything, every magazine layout, every flyer, every bumper sticker, every tattoo, everything is graphic design. So I got sick of seeing jobs that I could do, but I wasn’t qualified for because I didn’t have a degree. So, you know what I did on this past Monday? I was like, I’m gonna get on Craigslist. So Craigslist is like, I, it’s like a trailer park, you know, I’m more comfortable in a trailer park. So I was like, let’s just see what’s out there. They used to list jobs, you
know? So I got on there. I clicked on the jobs section and you know, they have art jobs, media jobs, they’re all kind of combined together and you click on there and all there is is, You know, I, we need models to take pictures of. Oh my gosh. You know, I tried that. That wasn’t, that didn’t work out. I’m just kidding. Just kidding. But it’s all pervo stuff, right? Which is why most people hate Craigslist. Cause it is, it’s, it’s a garbage dump. It’s a back alley, but something crazy. I went, you know, through all the
normal stuff, media, art, you know, I went through gigs. There’s just different places you can look. I just randomly clicked on web. I haven’t done web design for decades, except I kind of have, because for the last 18 years, I have been keeping up with a good bit of web technology because of the podcast. It’s just a direction I never thought of going in. So there’s a job. There’s only 1 job listed. And it says, you know, this is company, it’s a supply company, and they need a webmaster. And I’m like, webmaster. I haven’t heard that
since like freaking 1998 or something, you know, webmaster. So I applied, I emailed, they said that graphic design is a bonus. You know, if you know how to work Photoshop, that’s a bonus. And I’m like, well, I sent an email and I sent a cover letter that said, Hey, I know my, my resume is all about graphic design, but I know how to keep a website and I have graphic design skills and I would love to have an interview. And dad gum it, if not an hour goes by, I get a phone call and it’s the
boss. It’s the owner of the whole place. And he’s like, hey, this is the boss of the whole place. You just send us an email, you know, love to talk to you. He’s like, how much web design do you do? And I said, well, let me ask you some questions. Actually, what are you using for your website? And he says, Shopify. And I said, well, I’m gonna be honest with you. I don’t know anything about Shopify. I’ve never used Shopify. I said, but I’ve used WordPress and I used to build websites with Dreamweaver and I said
You give me a week Sitting at home with a free trial and a bunch of YouTube videos, I will figure it out. And he says, you know what? I believe you. He says, I agree with you too. All these sites are basically the same. He says, I would just say Shopify is a more intricate version of WordPress. And I said, well, I’ve been keeping a website for all this time and I’d love to try my hand at it. And so He just takes a liking to me right away. He’s asking me questions and I don’t know,
we just vibe, we just connected. And he just seems like a really genuine, nice person. He says, you know what? I wanna get the vice president on a call. Can you do a call later? Like a Google meeting. And I was like, yeah. He says, all right, I’ll send you an invite. And I’m thinking to, you know, it’s gonna be Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. No, within the hour, he set up a meeting for within the hour. I was gonna go lay down. I was depressed and needed a nap. You know, we’ve gotten off the phone. I wanna
say at 12.30, I get a message at 1 that he wants this meeting at 1 30. So we get on the call and I meet the vice president he’s a younger guy and I tell him the whole thing. I’m like, I’m not promising you anything but I’m pretty good at figuring stuff out. And I’ve got a lot. They were like, do you know anything about social media? I’m like, yeah, I did social media for the podcast. You know about Tik Tok. I’m like, I’m not a big fan. And I said, but I know how to do
shorts. I’ve done shorts. He says, do you, you know, I’ve seen you do a podcast, you know, we, we would love to get into that. I’m like, well, I’m your man. I freaking love podcasting. You could tell the boss boss was ready to make a decision like right there that he talks to number 2 and says, do you want to talk here or offline? And number 2 says, talk offline. I said, I would talk offline. I don’t want to sit here and listen to y’all talk about me. And they kind of laugh. And I said, well,
yeah, I look forward to hearing from you if we have something works out great So I get a call back within the hour and it’s the boss boss owner and he’s like, okay what we’re gonna do is bring you in And you said it would take a week for you to figure it out. So we’re going to pay you at this level. And pay range was between a small amount and a $5 difference. I said, start me low. And I said, the only deal is if you find out that I’m worth more, just pay me more.
And he says, okay, I’ll take you up on your offer. I said, well, awesome, when do I start? He says, well, you can start any time you want. You wanna come in tomorrow? And I was part of my anxiety flares up and I’m saying, why not? So I was like, yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow. What time? He says, come in at 9. That’ll give me time to get settled and we can get your space set up and you know, blah, blah, blah. So I suddenly have a freaking job within the span of like an hour and
a half. And so, so much for depression. Depression does not have room anymore. I was a little anxious, like I said, but I don’t know. It gave me a shot in the arm and I’m not back to a hundred percent yet, but I survived my first week. It’s a good, it’s a good place to work. Y’all, what did I say? I needed a place, a job that I could do, you know, and a nice employer. And I have that. I have that with this job. Now, you know, I don’t want to jinx it. You know, I’ve
been through 2 jobs recently that just did not work out due to bad management, you know, bad ownership. But these guys, they’re really, really nice. They’re family, they’re a third generation thing. And here’s the deal. Here’s the funny part. It’s almost like I’ve gone back in time back to 1999 when I was working for MySpace, doing web design, graphic design. Right before that job, I had gotten my first job ever in graphics at making teas in making Georgia. And I told them this on the interview, by the way, and they said, we have a location in
Georgia, right? So right outside of Atlanta, he says, look them up. And the vice president guy looked them up and he said, yeah, here they are making teas. They, they bought a exposure unit or something. It’s crazy. So like even stuff I was speaking of from 20 years ago, they were able to instantly verify that I wasn’t full of crap, you know? And thank God I’m not, you know? Cause if I was, they’d have busted me. It’s better to live right, I guess, right? Just to be honest with people. So I went in on my first
day and they had me setting up with a PC, thank God, 2 monitors, this old butt keyboard that had hand juice, somebody else’s hand juice and dust all over it, and this nasty little mouse and this nasty little mouse pad, and I couldn’t have been happier. And I got all the logins and all this kind of stuff. They put me to work first day, put me on Shopify. I ain’t never used Shopify in my life. I got logged on, but you start to recognize things because everything WordPress, all these front ends, they all kind of work
the same. And there’s plugins and there’s themes. And he gives me some projects that he writes down. 1 of the projects was way out of my league, way out of my league. It involved editing code. So I was a little stressed out for the first couple of days and I called my good friend, Daniel J. Lewis. If you don’t know Daniel J. Lewis, he was the guy behind Ramen Noodle back in the day. He does the Audacity to Podcast. He also runs Podgagement. He came out and saw us and we met for the first time in
person at the last Narthex con, he is a dear friend. And I met his son and we went to the city museum and we had a great time and I call him up and I’m like, dude, you gotta save me. I got this Shopify issue. He says, well, tomorrow I’ll see what I can do. And so I shared my screen with him because I had found in the code, like I know enough about coding to where I can find what, where something needs to be changed, but I don’t know how to change it. I mean, sometimes
I can figure it out. Sometimes I can, but this 1 was just beyond me. It’s a whole different programming language called Liquid that is unique and proprietary to Shopify. And he’s looking at this code. I said, yeah, this is Shopify. And he says, wait a minute, did you say, did you mean to say Shopify? I said, yeah, what have I been saying? He said, you’ve been saying Spotify. He says, I know a little bit about Spotify. Spotify. You guys don’t know as an audio playing service, you know, plays audio from your phone and all this. You
subscribe to it. And He’s like, but let me take a look at it. Anyway, I’m like, oh dad got it You don’t know you don’t know about Shopify, buddy he freaking I was right about where the code was and he said do this and It it should do what you wanted to do dad gum it if Daniel didn’t figure that out. And he got me over a hump. But then I got really upset after that. I was very thrilled, but I was very upset. And me and Jen go on a date on Wednesday night and I
talked to her about it. And I’m like, baby, I did that and I got through it and I used my resources and all that. So I got credit for it. But I, I said, I don’t know if I can do this job because if that’s the kind of stuff they want, she says, I wonder if you’re not just doing a bunch of wishlist items. They didn’t hire a coder. They hired a webmaster. And you’re not there to code. They weren’t paying enough for a coder. She says, I know about hiring coders and you pay a coder
60, 000 plus a year, and you’re not a coder, you don’t know how to code, that’s not what they expect. If they do expect that, you need to tell them that you’re not the person. And that was the thing that I kind of felt okay about is I told them that I didn’t know anything about Shopify. And they told me, well, the girl before you lasted 2 days because she oversold herself and she figured out how overwhelmed she was and she quit. Well, that kind of made me nervous. And I’m like, gosh, I can see why.
Cause they’re wanting us to code. I can’t code. But my wife just kind of told me and lifted me up and said, yeah, they’re not paying a coder. That’s not what your job description is, you know? So I went back to the job, completely lifted of all that stress. I was able to go into the to my boss, which is the vice president. That’s the guy I report to directly quite a bit. Actually, we work together quite a bit. I went to him and I said, you know, some of this stuff we can do. Some of
it’s in Spotify. Let’s see, I’m doing it again, Spotify. I said, but anything that we’re gonna wanna do outside of what Shopify does by default, we’re gonna have to invest in plugins. And I will do my best to find the best 1. And if there’s a free option, I’ll always try to go with the free and he’s like, oh, okay. And I’m like, oh, she was right. She was right. He doesn’t expect me to be a coder, you know? So I’ve had plenty to learn, but it was more in the realm of what I kind of
pitched myself as, as a sky that I’m a figure outer. I can figure stuff out. And I did. And there’s still more to learn. But after my first week, I’m not going to say I’m an expert at Shopify, but I can get things done. And I know where most of the stuff is. There’s been no more reaching out and needing things because they haven’t expected me to code and I’m not a coder and they don’t need a coder. They need a guy like me who’s willing to work cheap and who’s had some experience and can help
them get to the next level in their web presence and social media presence and SEO. And they’re doing really good. They’re doing really well. But yeah, you’re going to be hard pressed to find somebody like me that knows at my age to be able to do the things that I can do. I hadn’t even thought of marketing myself as a web designer because that’s that’s a young man’s game. But I would say the average age at this place is probably 50. And I haven’t met a lot of the guys in the warehouse yet. So I know
there’s younger guys there, but people that have worked here have worked there for like 10, 15, 20, 30, some of them more than 20 years. And that’s crazy. And they’re all old and I love them all. They’re so nice. Everybody’s very cool. And I work up in a quiet office where there’s really nobody else in there. All that to say I have a job, it’s something I can do and everybody seems nice. You know, he called me in on Friday and he says, well, you know, you did your first week. He said, you know what you’re
doing? You’re really pleasant. He says, you’re not an a-hole. I said, thanks. Thank you. I try not to be, you know, he said, so what we’re going to do is, is we’re going to keep you at your starting salary. And then after, I don’t remember how long, how long a month, 2 months, 3 months, I can’t remember what he said, but we’re going to raise you up a couple of dollars an hour. And I said, well, only if you think I’m worth it. He said, no, no, we think you’re worth it. It was like getting hired
a second time, you know, just, just being affirmed. Because I got affirmed when I got hired. I got firm when I, they said, yeah, well, we’re going to put you in this position. I see Boss Boss about once a day, once every couple of days he’ll, he’ll come through. He’s super nice. And He’s got some WordPress websites that he wants watched over that he does Non-for-profit stuff dude. I’m all about that. I’m doing You know multiple little websites and and then Shopify and it’s it’s gold It’s great You know, it’s a little out of my comfort
zone, but I’m learning and it’s, and like I said, give me another weekend and I’ll know so much more and what I know already. So anyway, those of you that pray for me, thank you, because there’s never in a million years I’d have thought that something like this would just drop out of the sky like it did. I mean, I go from not being employed to employed in the matter of an hour and a half. And I start the next day. It’s crazy. I start my second week tomorrow. So life updates, I got a job. My
eyes are 99.9 percent fixed. As you guys know, I had cataract surgery on both eyes and everything is looking good. They did say that on, there’s something behind the lens that is a part of my eye that is still a little cloudy. And that would explain some refractions that I’ve been getting. And so they are going to laser beam my eyeballs on Tuesday and take care of that. And then that’ll be it. And It’s an outpatient thing. I go in there, they do it. I can drive myself home. I can go back to work. Then I
can go get glasses. It’ll be great. And then I’ll have perfect vision again. It’s so awesome. I just didn’t know how bad it had gotten until I got my eyes fixed. It was crazy that I was driving. So crazy. I will tell you my weight before the surgery. I was right at 300. I am now down to 205.5 and I think that’s the end of my weight loss journey. I don’t know if it’ll go down more than I would be surprised, but it’s been hovering around 205, 205.3, 205.7, 205.5. You know, and the doctor told me
230. And I remember being happy about 215 So I’m at 205 now And let me just bring an off-the-scale thing I I went to go get dressed for church this morning and I pull this shirt out. It’s a double X. I put it on and my wife’s like, there is no way you’re walking out of the house of that you, it looks huge. She’s like, go look in the mirror. I look in that full length Ikea mirror. It does, it looks like a giant shirt. I’m like, baby, that’s all I have is double X is those
were my skinny man shirts. She’s like, well, you can’t wear that. I was like, why can I fit in a double X t-shirt but not in a double X? She says t-shirts must be sized differently because you’re not. So I went through. And I found a shirt that’s been hanging in my closet for 6 years. Back when I got skinny for a little while and it was A1X and I only have it because I stole it from a friend of mine named John Beckett. I was going to preach at his church and I needed a shirt.
I had not come to preach. I had come to just hang out with him And he’s like, do a service. I’m like, okay, but I need a shirt. And I fit into 1 of his shirts. And I pulled that joke out. It was A1X and I wore it and I buttoned it up and I could pull it out like 4 or 5 inches. I might be a large in button up shirts, gone from 3 X to a large. It’s crazy. It’s crazy to me. And I still have a fat man’s brain because when I meet new
people or I walk through a restaurant, try to get between somebody, between a couple of people. I think I’m going to need more room. I think I’m being judged. I feel like I still got a giant gut hanging out and I don’t, I’m, and I, and I sometimes Catch myself almost wanting to make fat jokes and I can’t do it anymore. I’m not I’m not qualified So it’s weird. I have all this History of being fat guy, but I can’t I can’t use any of it in my humor anymore. Sitting down on it all day, that’s
my job. I don’t put signs together. I don’t do anything but sit in a chair and operate a keyboard and mouse all day. I gotta say my newly formed bony butt does not like it. Just my butt, just the bones. I used to have a lot of padding apparently. So it’s a problem. So those of you that, You know, just reach out your hands right now toward my butt and pray, pray for it. I’m sitting in a chair that’s probably been there for 30 years. So I will say I submitted, I submitted a request and they
are buying me a new keyboard, a new mouse and a new desk pad. Instead of just a mouse pad, I can get a nice desk pad because the desk is 30 years old too. And it is like the finishes coming off of it. It is rough. I don’t know if you guys have ever seen Severance, but Severance was going for this late 80s vibe and this place actually has that kind of like in Loki or the time circuit people, you know, are going for this retro vibe. That is exactly what this place has in scores. And
it’s great. I felt kind of dumb. I’m like, you know, it’s why is webmaster bugging me? Why is that bugging me? There’s got to be. I mean, I haven’t heard that term used in a long time, but that’s what they call it. And that’s what I was hired to do, to be a webmaster. And I looked that up and sure enough, it says some people find it archaic. And I looked up, I was like, what does archaic mean? And I looked that up and it said outdated and misrepresentative or something like that. And so I looked
and said, what do they call them now? And they’re like site admin. And I’m like, Oh, I like the sound of that site admin. I could be a, I could just tell them I’m a site admin. And then I’m like, no way this place is retro as crap It’s got you know old fluorescent bulbs hanging from the ceiling and I’m in this 30 year old desk And I’m a freaking webmaster by God. I’m a webmaster. I’m gonna get it on a t-shirt all white letters right across. I’m aware it on dates Jen’s like no you ain’t
I’m a webmaster. I’m old school. I’m a freaking webmaster So, you know what when I updated my LinkedIn and I put the job on my Facebook I put that I am a webmaster because that’s what I am. I’m a webmaster. So obviously I’m trying to get back into working out and walking every day. I got to take 1 thing at a time. You know me with my 1% changes. So trying to get back into good habits. So I’m reading the Bible regularly. I am walking. I’m going to start walking every day starting tomorrow. I have been
walking every other day, but I’m still walking for 30 minutes, 3 and 3, 3 on incline, 3 on speed. So I haven’t lost anything. You’d think I would get on and just be, you know, I didn’t stay off it long enough to where it affected me. And that’s great. So that doesn’t pull me down at all. So I’m gonna get back to walking every day and then working out will be next. Obviously I podcasted Thursday. So Tuesday you guys have an episode coming out unless you’re already a Patreon and you’re supporting the show, in which case
you got it on Saturday. Yeah, you got your episode early. We’re both right. It was that I do with my wife is next. We’re already talking about our topic. So this job has been a shot in the arm and I’m still about A3I would say on the depression scale of 1 to 10:10 being the worst and 1 being no depression. I’d say I’m about a 3. So I’m tired still. I come home from work and I lay down, but the job has been good for me. I’m on a schedule, I’m getting up at the same time.
It’s really helped me with eating because I was starting to get hungry, being home all day with food in the kitchen. Y’all know how that is. It’s just not good. You know, I wasn’t gaining weight, but I was being tempted and I don’t wanna be there. So I bring everything that I need for the whole day in 1 little sack and I keep it in the fridge and I have a timer set for 10 when I eat a tiny snack for noon when I get a half hour for lunch, 03:00 when I get another snack and
then I come home and have dinner and and you know, my weight is at 205.5. So, but trying to get back to those disciplines is a big thing for me. Family update wise, Jen is still trying to work things out with her new job. It’s like a tsunami, she says, but she had a, she kind of had a breakthrough recently and she realized, you know, I’m not to blame for the situation that I walked into. And she said, I kind of had taken that on, like it was my job to fix it overnight. And like I
was being faulted for it not being fixed. And she’s like, you know, I’m there to do a job and I, I’m not going to hold myself accountable because it was just transferring into pressure and stress for her. But she has a great boss apparently. He is so supportive and he’s in New York. It’s a really good thing. So I’m glad she’s had that because the job has been stressful and she’s been challenged and she’s having a great time there. But it’s new and different. And she had worked at the place she worked at before for like
8 years. So this is, You know, and we’re old now and change is not easy. I mean, we’ve had a lot of changes around the house lately. So Jenna has a dog, but now she has it all by herself because she and the dog went to college. And we got to see the dog when we went to go visit her. And the dog’s doing great. And she’s got a little corner she sleeps in and they have a little place that you can take the dog out right outside the front of the apartments. And it has grass
and it has bags and a little trash can there. And so, but it’s kind of great because Jenna got the dog and said she would take care of it. And then she immediately not take care of it. And she went out with her friends and she stayed out late and she worked and I took care of the dog mostly, which is why I kind of fell in love with him her her I took care of the dog during the day and You know made sure that she was training and and all this kind of stuff and
glad to do it Love that little Monster what kind of dog is she somebody’s gonna ask? Well, her mother was a like a poodle shepherd mix or something like that Labrador mix I don’t know. She was a hot mess. So I know you know those dogs. I’m talking about they live in a trailer park where it looks like they’ve had babies their whole life, you know, over and over. That’s what the mom looks like. She stood about 2 and a half to 3 foot tall, had long legs. Georgie has a beagle daddy and this mixed up
mama. So Georgie looks like her mama in the face, looks like a beagle in the body and has her mama’s long legs. So I think she’s gonna be a very tall, medium sized dog. So always awkward looking. And I think it’s gonna be great. She’s super cute she’s she’s just a mix of colors just all over her face, especially just lots of colors and mostly black but like a beagle but tons of mixes of colors and short hair, not curly like her mama. So her mama had that poodle mix in her. But anyway, so there you
go. So Jenna’s got the dog out by herself and she called her mom the other day and says, this dog is so bad. Oh my gosh, she chews on everything. And we’re like, yeah, I know. That’s why we were crate training her. It’s with crate training, you put them in their cage anytime you’re not looking at them directly. And you just kind of have to give them toys and stuff to keep them from doing that. And she’s like, well, Leia taught her how to bark. And that’s the dog I hate is Leah. And it’s not true.
It’s not true. Tale. I would love for Leah to be at blame because she is the worst dog ever to walk the earth. But that little dog tortured Leah, which I thought was hilarious, which is why I love Georgie, because Georgie loved Leah’s little poofed out tail. And Georgie would run behind Leah, no matter where she was and bite her on the tail. And I thought it was amazing, because Leah would run into her cage and put her tail underneath her and lay down. That’s the only way she could get any peace. And doggy, Georgie would
bark at her and want to play. And Leah wasn’t having nothing to do with it. You know, she was old. She’s like a bitter old lady, but by the end there, they were fighting and playing with each other and Leia would bark along with Georgie and they would make all kinds of racket. But I thought it was great because Georgie meant totally 100% play. Leia meant it about 50% Play and 50% I really wish I could hurt you So I was like this is great because it’s funny for me to watch and it’s annoying for Leia
So yeah, she’s calling mom and saying that Leia taught her how to bark and that’s that’s bullcrap It’s It’s a puppy. It’s a puppy that lived outside. It’s a puppy that probably ate some stuff that was dead. It’s a puppy that’s used to drinking out of streams and who knows how to sleep in the rain. Like my stupid dogs are so prissy. They don’t even wanna get off the concrete into the grass. I have to chase them off the concrete into the grass. I took the dog out, the puppy out, when it’s raining and she just
lays down in the grass and starts rolling around. Like, this dog is amazing. She’ll lick the water off the grass. She doesn’t care. She thinks it’s awesome. Jay’s back in school. He’s holding down his job. I’m super proud of him. I’m just hoping that his grades stay up, you know, because he’s never had a job and school at the same time and sports. He’s juggling a lot now and I’m looking forward to seeing how it turns out. So what am I reading, watching, playing and doing? Well, I’m reading the Bible again and I’m reading Fellowship of
the Ring. I started reading it on our vacation to Florida and I got so sucked into that thing. I’m like halfway done. It’s a giant book. Well, I finished Andor, which is great on Disney. It’s the best, it is singly the best thing short of maybe the first season of The Mandalorian that they have put out for Disney. So I would say, I’d say Mandalorian, Andor, and then the Acolyte, which I know everybody hates the Acolyte, but it’s a great show. Fast and Furious 7, I’m in the middle of watching, I still have to get to
10, and I rewatched Rogue 1. I have to watch it once in a while. It’s gotta be my all time favorite Star Wars movie. I swear. I love that movie so much. I watched the force awakens because I’ve been watching the clone wars and it’s a cartoon and it’s from the 2000s and it was for kids, but there is so much star wars and it’s Lucas star wars and I’ve never been a prequel fan, but I feel like I was missing out. I wanted to watch a Asoca on Disney channel or on Disney plus. And as
soon as I started watching it, I’m like, yeah, I’m missing too much. I don’t even know who this character is. So I started watching Clone Wars and it’s so good y’all. It’s so good. I kind of scared my wife cause we were on a date. And it’s like, I said, I had never realized how much I was missing in my life until I started watching Clone Wars and she says, you are so stupid. I’m like, what? She said, I thought you were saying something serious, like, like something about our marriage. Know how much we’re missing in
your life until Clone Wars. I’m like, yeah, sorry. That probably wasn’t the best way to phrase that. So I’ve been playing Star Wars Jedi Fallen Order, especially recently I’ve been playing it. Again, I played it on, while I was gone, on my Steam Deck. And I’ve been playing What Remains of Edith Finch, which is a first person walking simulator with a story, because I’m finding as I get old, I don’t like hard video games. So I’ve got Star Wars Fallen Order on easy because I enjoy the gameplay. I enjoy the the scenery and the locale and
the images and graphics and all that. But I just enjoy the story. And the older I get, the more video games just seem like movies with work. But I’m trying to really stick to not buying any more video games until I’ve finished a few. I’ve got a backlog. So Star Wars fall in order. I’m getting further and further in that. I feel like I’m about halfway through. What remains of either Finch is a mystery And it’s very creative and it’s very awesome. Like, like I was a little girl climbing in a tree and then the little
girl, imagine she turns into an owl and then you’re flying and then you turn into a shark and you’re falling down the side of a hill and you get in the water and It’s, it, I don’t know. It’s just, it’s pretty awesome. And it was on sale. Is that they had a summer sale and I got it. So, and then playing darksiders 2, which means nothing to most of you, but it’s a game that I wanted to play for a long time. So I loaded it up and I started playing and it’s great. So it’s good.
What have I been doing? I’ve got stuff from my bobblehead project. I mentioned that in the last episode and I’ve got lights for my shelves that I wanna put in for my display shelves. But I have no desire yet to do anything creative. Like I’m still at a 3. So right now all my energy is going into work and family and the little bit of podcasting I’m trying to scrape out. I did do lawn work with Jen that I got high praise for. My son, Mo’s, but he’s never been an edger, you know, a weed eater
kind of guy. And so I went out there with some tools and I brushed up after he was done and Jen just, oh, she’s like, I’ve wanted it to look like this forever. And I felt kind of bad because I could have been doing it all along, but I do what I can when I can so that when I can’t, it’s not that big a deal. Apparently when I can and I do, it is a big deal. So I’m going to, I’m going to stick with that. I’m going to go out there once a week and
trim stuff up. Closing thought for this episode. I know it’s gone a little long, I apologize for that, but it was a lot to say, especially about the job, it’s a big deal. I know a lot of you are gonna be very happy for me and I appreciate that. And I do covet your prayers and your good wishes, but I wanted to say this, that try to be optimistic when you go down. If you’re a depressed person like me, maybe it comes in waves. Maybe it’s all the time. Maybe it’s a couple of times a week.
I don’t know. Everybody’s different. It’s as unique as everyone’s uniqueness. I feel like depression is custom built for each 1 of us. But I wanna say that I was more optimistic this time in my downtime. Typically when I’m in an up or a down cycle, I think that they’re both gonna last forever. And so when I’m up and start to come down, it takes me way down because I thought I was done. And when I’m down, I feel like it’s gonna last forever. And so I go down further and it keeps me down longer. But this
time I was optimistic. I was like, I’m just gonna wait for this to pass. This will pass. I will be up again. I will be normal again. And I don’t know when it will happen, but it’ll, it’ll happen. And I did fight and I did more podcasting than I would have done had I not fought. And my disciplines did come into effect. You know, I quit doing them, but I started back with what I could, when I could, before I should have. And that and the combination of that and the job kind of has shaken me
back out of it. And so I don’t know. I just hope that’s something that means something to you. Those of you who struggle, just know that the tough times, they will end. They will not last forever. You will laugh again. You will laugh again. There’ll be a time where you are joyful and you will laugh at a joke or something on television. And those moments are worth staying alive for. And when you’re super low and when I’m super low, just know beyond everything you feel and everything your brain tells you that it’s temporary. It’s not gonna
last forever. The only people that don’t outlive depression are those that give up. So don’t give up. Brought to you by our supporting listeners on Patreon with special thanks to Kerry Wright and Kerry Bernhardt. Join the community and become a supporting listener today at patreon.com slash G-O-K. You get ad free listening, you get a sticker. I, you know, if you love the show, if it’s meant something to you and you can afford it, I don’t want student money or retiree money. I don’t want you guys to have to. If you have a game flea, you know,
you’re employed and you have a few bucks, go check it out today at patreon.com slash GOK. Email me your feedbacks, thoughts and questions. Maybe we’ll use it on a future episode, jamesnlcast.com. So many of you write in and I appreciate it so much. I am terrible about writing back, but just know that even if it takes me a month or 2 to get my guts up to answer you, but no, I do read every single thing. Just know that and that your words mean so much for everything else though. Visit outlivingdepression.com. We’ll see you guys next
time. Thanks for listening. God bless. Bye.
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