215: A Very Busy Weekend

In this episode, I talk about my experience at Narthex Con and the unexpected turn of events recording ShiftStorm with my friend Chris Cowan. I also share my experience with eye surgery and the impact it had on my vision. I discuss the importance of speaking in wisdom and love, and the realization that suffering can make us better people.

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For everything else visit outlivingdepression.com

Welcome to Outliving Depression, where we strive to outlive depression and find hope in the midst of struggles. I’m your host, James Kennison, and I want to remind you that depression is a liar. You have value even when you’re broken, and you are stronger than you think you are.

Weekly Update

In the last episode, I talked about the possibility of depression sneaking back in, but I’m happy to report that I am no longer concerned about that. My outlook on life is positive, and I don’t have any anxiety or thoughts of doom. I recently hosted Narthex Con, an event where people who listen to my podcasts come together in St. Louis for live podcast recordings, trivia, giveaways, and more. It was a blessing, and I prayed that it would be a spirit-filled event, and I believe it was.

Unexpected Conversations

At Narthex Con, I had an unexpected and deep conversation on my friend’s podcast, Shift Storm, where I opened up about my struggles with depression. It was a raw and real moment that allowed me to educate people about the reality of depression and address misconceptions. The experience was eye-opening for many, and I hope it helps a lot of people when the episode is released.

Life-Changing Moments

I also had a life-changing experience recently, which I may share more about in the future. It’s a reminder to walk in wisdom, acceptance, and love that is beyond me, and I appreciate your prayers for guidance in this new chapter of my life.

Narthex Con Highlights
The event was a success, with live podcast recordings, trivia, giveaways, and more.
I had the opportunity to connect with long-time online friends and fellow podcasters, making the event even more special.
We also had a great time at City Museum, where I was able to experience activities that I couldn’t before due to my weight.
Jury Duty and Gratitude

I recently had jury duty, and while I don’t mind fulfilling my civic duty, I struggle with the concept of judging people’s fates. I also had a major life-changing experience that I may share more about in the future.

Eye Surgery and Health Updates

I had eye surgery recently, and it has been a life-changing experience. The surgery instantly improved my vision, and I am looking forward to getting the second eye done. Additionally, I have reached my goal weight, and I feel great about my physical transformation.

Podcasting and Personal Projects

I have been podcasting and working on personal projects, including crafting a Buzz Lightyear bobble head. It’s a new hobby that I have found joy in.


Life is full of ups and downs, and I’m grateful for the support of my audience and the opportunity to connect with them at events like Narthex Con. I appreciate your prayers and continued support as I navigate through life’s challenges and share my journey with you.

Thank you for being a part of this community, and I look forward to sharing more with you in the future.

Remember, you are not alone, and there is hope even in the darkest moments.

Stay tuned for the next episode of Outliving Depression, and until then, take care of yourself and those around you.

Keep outliving depression.



Welcome to Outliving Depression. I’m your host, James Kennison, reminding you that depression is a liar. You have value even when you’re broken and you are stronger than you think you are. This is my personal audio journal where I’m striving to outlive depression. I always like to start off with something interesting, a little weekly update, if you don’t mind. Last time I talked a lot about depression, seemingly sneaking back in and some signs that possibly things were going down. And I’m happy to report that I am no longer concerned about that. Yeah, I’m tired, but my outlook

on life is pretty positive and I don’t have any anxiety I’m not having thoughts of doom and Had some pretty major stuff go down this week And typically when I have a lot of stuff going on that drains me, I have that high, you know, and then this pendulum swings the other way and I have a really big low. But I’m very happy to report for once that that is not what has happened. So very excited, very excited about that. So the topic this week is something that means a lot to me because it happened. It

happens every 2 years. Well, every 2 years that we can do it, we missed COVID, you know, year, but it’s called NarthexCon. And it is where people who listen to my podcasts come together and those that can. And we meet up here in St. Louis and we have some live podcast recording. We do some trivia. We do some giveaways. We have t-shirts and swag bags and food, and we ask people what they want to drink and we go and buy that for them. It’s just a time for me to love on the people that are able

to make it. And it was this past Saturday and it was great. It was such a blessing. And I’d been praying for it to be. You know, I am a Christian, I’m a Christ follower. I attempt, I attempt to have a relationship with Christ, Though I feel that 99.9% of that relationship is funded by God himself and not what I attempt to do. I guess I should say I’m a receiver of his grace. I don’t know exactly how to put it. I am someone who is loved by him and therefore love others. But I pray, I

say all that to say that I pray that in ArthexCon, even though we don’t preach, I prayed that it would be a spirit-filled event for lack of a better phrase, an event where people felt the love of God. And I believe it was. And I think it came in an unexpected way. Usually we record 3 different shows that we do here at Nobody’s Listening podcasts, which is what I call my collection of shows. 1 of them would have been the gospel of Kinnison, this show, Outliving Depression. But due to the nature of the show, I wanted

to do something different. So I had a friend of mine that I had known for 18 years and have never met in person. His name is Chris Cowan. And he was recording a show, starting a show called Shift Storm. And I said, you know what, why don’t we, since you’re coming, which is amazing, you’re coming to the event, why don’t we do your show instead of Outliving Depression? And then we’ll do my wife and I show, we’re both right. And then we’ll do that story show and then we’ll do the bonus content, you know? And that’ll

be our 4 different recordings, our 3 major recordings, but you know. And he said, sure. So I added him to the lineup and we did that first. That was first on the list of things that we were doing. And he, his show focuses on shifts in people’s lives. He just starts by basically asking what was the major shift in your life? What was the time where things changed? And I go straight to the moment that I had to admit that my depression had gotten so bad that I could no longer do my job as a pastor,

the children’s pastor. I had to leave everything that I loved and let down everyone that depended on me because I couldn’t handle any of it anymore. And he says, okay. And we played, this is in front of a crowd of people. And that set the tone for the whole thing. He plays the intro and he starts asking me questions. And I’ll be honest, I don’t remember a lot of them, but I cried a lot and I felt a lot of pain. Like the questions dug deep. Like for instance, 1 of them was, what did you feel?

What were your feelings about depression before you had it? And I’ve told before, but I thought it was something that was well within the control of the person that had it. I thought it was something that people who just wanted to not participate in life had. I thought it was something that was used as an excuse to not get a job, to not parent your children. I thought it was bull crap. And I definitely learned different. But that’s 1 of the questions I remember him asking. The rest of it, I’m gonna have to wait to a

later date. I don’t know when he’s posting my episode, but I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really want all of you to go listen to it when it comes out. Because I don’t know, it’s after it was all over with 1 of the guys, somebody said, there’s a friend of mine, it said, you were able to talk about things that you don’t talk about on Outliving depression because you don’t ask yourself those kinds of questions. And it’s true. It’s true. I don’t want every episode to just be, you know, James balling into the

microphone the whole time. But backing up, what I mean by bringing this up when I do is it was weird to have, what is largely an upbeat event, start with something so heavy and so serious. But I really think God moved in that episode because people got to see a side of me that maybe, not everybody listens to this show, they see the comedy James. And for the first time, a lot of them probably saw the dark side, the part that not many people know about, I guess. And they got to see me go, talk seriously

about the problems that I had and still have and the darkness of what depression is. I got to educate people about what it really means and maybe even address people who believed the way I did about depression. And then they got to see the outcome, I guess, the healing. Because through that whole time of suffering, my 10 major 10 years of suffering, although it was, like I said, closer to 13 total, from my 40s to now, or 40 year old to now, I podcasted when I could, in the midst of all that. And so people got

to see that side of me, that dark side, but also come right around and see the married side, you know, with we’re both right with me and Jen talking and hanging out. And then the bright side with that story show and the energy. And so, I don’t know, I can’t imagine somebody that anybody could leave there and not have been affected in a positive way. Anybody with a heart, you know, that could be moved, got moved is what I’ll say. So thanks Chris for bringing your show to NorthexCon. The interview was something else. And like I

said, when I hear about it, I’m gonna shout it from the mountain tops here on the show. I really, really, really, really, really seriously want all of you to go and listen to it and then give your feedback. And I hope it helps a lot of people. Because I guess I’m saying really, really, because it’s like the rawest I’ve been in a long time and the most real I’ve been in a long time. And like my friend said, I don’t ask myself these questions. I don’t dig deep because again, I don’t want every show to be

me crying and miserable, but you know, he asked about suffering and he, you know, and I was able to talk about, you know, he asked, how do you maintain, you know, your relationships and, you know, all this stuff. And, and those were, once I started I couldn’t stop, I talked through it. You learn how to talk through the pain. And so I even had somebody come up afterwards and he was trying to compliment me and he was, he did. He paid me a huge compliment. He says, when you got to those emotional moments, He said, it

just showed me how professional you are, that you are able to talk in spite of it. I said, really, it’s not that, it’s that you gotta stop caring how you sound when you cry. And when I cry, my voice goes up. And you just, most people stop and try to compose themselves so they can continue talking. The trick to being quote unquote professional is just being very unprofessional and continuing to blabber through it, man. And just like when you were a kid and you’re explaining to your mom how you hurt yourself because somehow that’s gonna make

you feel better. But you know, NarthexCon was great. A lot of people. What blows my mind though is there were folks that signed up and never told me they weren’t coming and we bought t shirts for them and they never showed. And it’s like, you know, 8 people that just didn’t show up. And, and I understand that. I just wish, I wish folks had told me cause it would have saved some money. So, you know, this will probably be the last year that we do free t-shirts. I tried to do free t-shirts this year. It is

the single most expensive part of the event. And I didn’t want to go through the hassle of charging everybody for them. But there were so many leftover and so much of that money was wasted. You know, what am I gonna do with a bunch of medium T-shirts? You know, these odd sizes. And you say, sell them. Yeah, but those are for people that came to the event, you know? So I don’t know. I don’t know, I wanna keep the event free, you know, and all that I save up, you know, for these events, quite a bit

of money goes into them. Your support patrons is what makes it possible. So I don’t wanna fundamentally change anything, but I think the t-shirt deal is gonna have to change. I just gotta find a good way to work it into the registration and find a way to charge for it that doesn’t rip me off because that was the problem is in the past I’ve used PayPal and I’ve just invoiced people and PayPal takes so much that it ends up being a loss. And that was my thing. It’s like, I’d rather give it away than have it

taken from me. You know what I’m saying? But again, there was so much taken that wasn’t used. So, I don’t know, I’m trying to be a nice guy. Speaking of nice guys, there was just something that I, I don’t know, I never thought about and never expected. It was very unexpected, but Chris Cowan, who is a long time online friend and Daniel J. Lewis, another long time online friend, fellow podcasters, guys that I have befriended. And then of course, John Steinklauber, I don’t mention him last because of importance, but because I have met him in person

and stuff. But these are 2 guys, John and Chris and Daniel that I’ve known for years and never met and they came and we had such a great time. I got to connect with Chris ahead of time and take him to lunch and then most of us were able to meet up and set up the event together. And then we got to have dinner afterwards with not just, not just them, but friends that I have, you know, because of my little church, little innovation church. So David Godbout was there, Stacy and Jennifer, my wife. And we

had that special time. We went to Salt and Smoke here in, and on, I want to say Gravois. No, it wasn’t Gravois. I don’t know what it is, but it’s not the 1 that’s downtown. Anyway, it was salt and smoke and it was really good. And we had a good time. And we bonded Not just during the event, which we did, but after the event, I had everybody back to the house that was a part of making it happen. So kind of a after party thing. And my daughter made cookies and she made a that story

show logo cake, which was so amazing. I’ll try to get a picture put up or try to make it the, maybe the picture of the, yeah, yeah, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll make it the episode art. So look for the episode art and you’ll see the cake. So cute, it was so awesome. So it was an awesome time at the house afterwards where the friends that I consider family and then there are people like John and his son James that were there that are like family to me. We’ve been friends for so long and so well.

And then new friends that I’ve known forever. And we sat and talked and hung out until 11 PM or 10.30 or 10.15, I don’t know. And the event was over. You know, we were all out of there by 7.30. So it was just awesome. It was awesome. And I met so many great people and had so many great conversations. I don’t know that I got to talk to everybody the way I wanted to. There were quite a few people there, but I definitely tried to make myself available for photos and, and stories, you know, people want

to share. And, and so it was very real and it was very good. And I try very hard at these events to make them as, I don’t know, I just want to express how much my audience means to me at these events and bless them, but they end up blessing me so much more than I could ever bless them. So I wanna say that to you who is listening right now that Whatever you think of me, whatever you think of what I record and put out, I appreciate that. I do. You know, there were a lot

of people that were there that were kind of starstruck and that just, you know, blows my mind. There was 1, especially 1 little middle school girl who was just a thrill. She was a thrill to watch. She was absolutely enraptured the entire time. She laughed at every joke. She was enjoying her life. And I don’t understand it because it’s just me, you know, it’s just dumb old James, you know, but I appreciate that and I understand it, but whatever you think of me, whatever level, you know, that you put me at, I put you higher. And

you’ve got to know, I’ve got to tell you, I pray for you every day. Not by name, but I pray for your family. I pray for your finances. I pray for your jobs. I pray, did I say family? I pray for your family. I pray for your finances. I pray for your jobs. I pray, did I say family? I pray for your family. I pray for your spiritual wellbeing. I pray that you will find truth, that you will find the truth of Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit would draw you to Him. I pray that God would

give you life. So that’s a daily 6 days a week. I don’t pray for you on Sunday. So that’s my day off Because prayer still work for me. It’s a duty. It’s something, it’s a discipline. How about that? But the thing is, like I said earlier, I usually would expect a downtime after such a high point, you know? Back when I was just getting into depression, like just getting my feet wet, so to speak. I would have these highs where I would be able to accomplish these things. And then afterwards though, I would crash so hard

and just be absolutely miserable. It’d take me 2 or 3 days to recover. And in our world, we call that spoons. How many spoons do you have? Every day you’re given a certain amount of spoons, a certain amount of energy. Maybe it’s a two-spoon day, you’ve only got 2 spoons worth of energy and you’ve got to take it easy. Sometimes you get a 10 spoon day and sometimes you have a 5 spoon day but you need 10 spoons. And so you end up spending 10 spoons and then it takes spoons from the next 2 days to

make up for it. You understand how the analogy works? I hope so. Because in this case, I had all the spoons I needed and then some, so I was tired. Of course it’s worn out. You can tell my voice is probably a little deeper than normal, because I talked a lot. I had a lot of talking to do, but no downtime. And I consider that a miracle. I really do. So especially considering, okay, so Saturday, while we set up Friday, I had the whole week, the whole week was getting ready, right? Last minute things, T-shirts were

picked up on Friday. I mean, that kind of stuff. We had to buy ice, we had to set up in advance, we were visiting. And again, these things are great things, right? But they are things that take energy and they take emotional energy. And when you’re a person that deals with depression, you know that whether it’s good or bad, it still pulls from the same resource, you know, it still takes that energy. So, you know, Sunday, or we stayed up late, you know, Saturday with the after party. And then Sunday we got up, it was my

stupid idea, got up and met at City Museum. It was Chris and his friend, Gabe, I think, John and James Steinklaver, and then Chris, Daniel and his son that we call the Red Ninja, cause he is an awesome kid. And we went to city museum and it was amazing. And let me just tell you, let me just do a health update and squeeze it right in here. I brought my knee pads for the first time and I climbed and crawled and squeezed in places. I’ve been there 5 times. I’ve never been able to interact like I

could at my current weight. I’ve never, I’ve always run out of energy. I’ve always gotten too sweaty and too sore. I’ve never been able to fit because of my size. And I’m telling you, I was like a jungle monkey, man. I was inside of secret places. I was squeezing between stuff. Matter of fact, my eyes kept lying to me. They’re like, there’s no way you’re gonna fit through that. And I would just go and I would just slide through. And there’s only 1 time that I almost got stuck and it was just cause my hip bones

both hit, you know, this barrier. And I just slid them a little bit sideways and I went right through. It was just crazy. I felt like, I don’t know, I felt like I was in an avatar. You know, avatar, the movie where the guy has no legs and he gets in the blue guy and he goes and just starts running. That’s what I felt like. I felt like I was, I was handicapped before and then suddenly I was set free and set loose. I never got winded. I was never out of breath. I sweated of course.

And I was sore afterwards, but not like crazy sore, like, you know, rehabilitatingly sore. I was just normal. And oh my gosh, guys, you just don’t know. You don’t know. I don’t really enjoy walking 30 minutes every day on 3 3, you know, I, I don’t, I’m not thrilled to do my exercises, but oh my gosh, between that hike that me and my wife did and then my day at City Museum, It is so good. It is so good. Oh my gosh, God is so good. And again, I cheated. I took the cheater’s route and got

the surgery, but life is so good. Life is so good. It just, anyway, I just go on and on but it would just be me saying it’s so good. It’s so good So anyway, we did that right and I came home and went to sleep because I did not sleep well I was so tired and Because we stayed there for till about 12.30. I got home about 1. And then the next morning got up at the butt crack of dawn and did all my disciplines. And so that was like 6 a.m. And ended up I had

jury duty so when it rains it pours on James man, Narthex con, lots of visiting, lots of fun, lots of great energy sapping things and then a bad night of sleep and jury duty. But as I was on the treadmill, I was like, God, I don’t wanna waste a miracle, you know? But can you please get me out of jury duty, please. And so I got ready and I went and I read my book, which I’ll talk about in a minute. And I just sat there and they called 3 different groups of people and I never

got called. And then they said, okay, everybody up in the mezzanine, which is the quiet area, come downstairs. And she says, I got good news and great news, which do you want first? And I knew immediately that we had not been called into duty and we were let go. And we still got our $12, yeah baby. And I’m off the hook for 2 years, you know? So, so there, there we go. I got out of jury duty and I literally thanked God on the way to the car. You know, I hope I didn’t waste a miracle

on this 1 because it wasn’t that big a deal. I don’t mind. I just have a problem. I don’t have a problem with the concept. I want to do my duty, okay? I’m proud, I’m a proud American, and this is part of what makes America work. I just have a big issue, and issue’s probably not the right word, and hang up’s probably not the right word. I don’t wanna judge people. I don’t know the whole story. I haven’t lived in their shoes. And so to condemn someone or decide their fate is such a big thing to

me. It is such a big thing that I don’t know that I’m comfortable being a part of it. And eventually I probably will be, and I will deal with that when I get there. But I recently had a friend who ended up in a murder trial here in St. Louis, and she had to help decide the punishment. Like it was pretty obvious that he did it. The evidence was overwhelming, but he had not accepted a plea deal. So the decision wasn’t the hard part. It was deciding what to do with him. So yeah, you know, I

don’t know what I would do in that kind of situation. So yeah, so NarthexCon, friends, family, no downtime, but jury duty. And then I hate to keep secrets from you guys, but I had a major life-changing experience yesterday. It was just dropped in my lap. And maybe 1 day I’ll talk about it. Maybe 1 day I’ll talk about it. There’s several things that I want to talk about on here that I’ve never talked about before. But if you pray for me, pray that I will walk in wisdom, acceptance and love that is beyond me, you know,

that is straight from God. You know, There’s a part in the gospels where Jesus tells the disciples that he sends them out and all that kind of stuff. And well, no, I don’t even think it’s that part. I think it’s the part where he’s warning them about the future. And he says, in those days, don’t worry about what you’re going to say because the Holy Spirit will give you what you’re supposed to say. And with major life changes, what you say can make all the difference. And wisdom doesn’t talk very much. Wisdom shuts the freak up

and lets people assume that you’re wise. So maybe that’s what I need to do. And if so, I pray that that is what will happen. But just again, pray that I would speak in wisdom and in love and acceptance. That’s that’s why I need life updates. I had eye surgery. I mentioned that I was getting it last time. I did get it and it’s been a week. I just went to my follow-up appointment and let me tell you it you want to talk about life changing eye surgery from cataracts. I had no idea how bad it

had gotten. I had no frame of reference because it got bad over a period of time, but it got better instantly in my right eye. And just driving down the road and then closing my right eye and looking through my left eye. I mean, first of all, color. I didn’t realize how gray everything was, how hazy everything was. Everything was like a Tim Burton movie. It was all silhouettes and black and white and shades of gray color is amazing. Being able to read signs from a distance is amazing. I can read license plates again, which, oh,

I miss that so much, sarcasm. But it’s nuts. I have 1 bad eye and 1 good eye and my brain has been like, okay, we’re ignoring everything in that left eye and we are completely using right eye for everything. So, but I did get back from the follow-up today and they said everything looks good. Everything’s going great. The eye has healed up. I’ll tell you at first, when they first put the lens in, it was slippery in there. Like I couldn’t feel it, but I could, when I looked around, I could see it kind of flopping

because it was like, like it was in the gel, but the gel hadn’t solidified yet. And I talked to an older guy and he said, yeah, once it heals up that goes away. Cause there was some weird refractions and weird glares that I was getting and light was kind of bouncing weird, but it is definitely settled in and it is absolutely un imperceivable. Light does refract differently off of like lights. Like I don’t think I’m gonna be, I don’t think I’m gonna have an aneurysm, not an aneurysm. Hope I don’t have an aneurysm. A stigmatism anymore,

where light just travels from any light source goes all the way to the top and bottom of your eyes. If you ever wanna see what people with a stigmatism look like, look it up and say, what does a stigmatism look like? And you’ll see what we see in traffic at night, especially, and it’s ridiculous. But I do see halos, what they call halos, little halos of light around sources of light. So it’s really good. The new eye is a little weak, close up, but its distance is great. And I’m looking forward to the ninth is when

I get my second eye done. And it actually is my worst eye. They had it scheduled first, but then they canceled. And so I got my second worst eye done. So it is kind of neat that I’m able to compare my worst eye to my new best eye. I don’t know how I read anything. I’m looking at show notes right now through my left eye with my right eye closed and I can I can read it but barely I was having to invert everything like I had plugins that would turn the white part of the screen

black and the black part of the screen white so that I could read and see because the white would glare so much that it would flare up and it was refracting off the haze in my lens? So if you don’t know what cataracts are just for fun. It’s just when your lens gets cloudy and eventually it can get so bad that you go blind. And I was legally blind and I shouldn’t, there’s no way I should have been driving but don’t tell anybody because I was. So eye surgery has been great and looking forward to that

left eye, looking forward to it. I know why they do it separately now, not only because if they mess up, you still have 1 good eye left, but there is a healing process. And yeah, if you had both of them out, you wouldn’t be able to do anything, but with just 1 fixed me, and there’s so much that opens up to you. Health updates. I hit my goal weight, my stretch goal of 215 this week is actually the morning of Narthexcon. So you’re gonna talk about just another wonderful thing, you know, that takes energy, you know,

it all takes energy. Reaching a goal of 215 and we’ll see, we’ll see, you know, The scale seems to have slowed down, right? At that point, you know, it has gone up 0.2 pounds. It’s gone down 0.2 pounds. You know, I may be done with my weight loss. That’s fine. 215 is 15 pounds lighter than the doctor said I would be. I feel great. I feel like I look good in clothes. And just to get a little personal, I think I look okay without clothes too. I worried a lot about sagging, you know, because you, you

have this extra skin that happens when you have surgery and majority of mine is under my chin on my neck, But it just looks like an old man neck now. You know, it’s not gross. And then of course my stomach has flattened out and sagged, but you know what? It sagged a lot more when it was fat. So it actually doesn’t look bad. Not as bad as I thought it would. Like I would be comfortable going shirtless in, in out there like this. Like, like I don’t think I would gross anybody out. I don’t think anybody

would look twice. I probably will still wear a swim shirt just for fun. But I was, I actually had not checked myself out until like yesterday. And I looked, I finally just looked, I’m like, okay, here I am at goal. Let’s see what this thing did. You know, yeah, I look great in clothes, but just looked at myself and yeah, it’s not gross. And I didn’t wanna be gross. I am deflated. But when you consider what you looked like fat, it’s context, I guess, is everything. So I don’t know, I don’t know. For me though, I’m

a little tiny bit vain in that I don’t wanna be grossing people out. If they see me at the beach or at the pool or something. So I think I’ve achieved that goal. I don’t think I’m gross. So that’s a good thing. I haven’t been able to work out because of my eyeball. So I wasn’t supposed to lift over 30 pounds. So that was rule 1. And then the other 1 was I can’t bend over. I couldn’t bend over past my waist. And so that pretty much kept me from doing my upper body workouts, but I’m

gonna start doing that again Thursday, which is tomorrow. So it’s been a week and I have 3 weeks of drops that I have to put in my eye 3 times a day. So that’s fine, but I can start working out again tomorrow. Podcast stuff, obviously, you know, NorthexCon was great and all that. I mentioned setting up the board from home and how awesome that was. It did work. I took it in, David and I tried it out and it worked from the get-go. So this little box that you guys bought me, the Rodecaster Pro 2 is

such a stress reliever and it is so strong in what it’s capable of doing. And I appreciate all of the patrons who make it possible for me to upgrade equipment occasionally as needed, but I’m into work. I’m still a dork and the best technology in the world is not gonna save me from that. And as we were doing the show, I had forgotten to load. The first 2 stories were supposed to be voicemails that had come in and I’d forgotten to load them into the roadcaster pro. The roadcaster pro has little buttons, right? That allow me

to play music and they are great. And I could have loaded those voicemails in there, but I totally forgot. I remembered every other detail of everything and I messed up so bad on the main show that everybody came to listen to. But it all worked out good And we’ll use those in the next episode of that story show. So those people will still get their stuff read. It just wasn’t at North X-Con and it wasn’t during our theme show, even though the stories were themed to pesky parents. Usually I talk about depression at this point, but

honestly, there’s nothing to discuss other than the lack of it. And I’ve already kind of addressed that. So I’m gonna move right into family updates. Jen was so essential and so great. So amazing with NarthexCon. There was so much organization to be done that I didn’t even realize because we had gift bags for everybody. We had name tags for everybody and we had shirt orders, you know, that needed to be matched up with people. And she took all 3 of those jobs that I, that I didn’t know what I was going to do and how I

was going to do them. And she put it all together and she even got other people involved to help her to distribute The swag items in the gift bags there were I put in tiny little cows for the free cow joke I put in lemon Stress ball that was printed with that story show for lemons lemons a little inside joke for the show in case you don’t listen to that story show. So, and there was a key chain and there was a sticker, an Arthexcon sticker and she put the t-shirts and the correct sizes together with

the name badges and had them all sitting up there to where people were able to go and find theirs. Right. I mean, it’s just amazing. And she helped me run. We had a table where we were selling hats and mugs and stickers, and she ran that for me. And she was just generally amazing. The other person that I have to think is David Godbout and Stacey again, but David’s my best friend in the whole world and he was there and he ran sound for me and he ran the trivia quizzes for me and he set up

the sound system for me and tore it down for me and nobody asked him to do any of that. He just did it. He just does things like that because he’s awesome. So thanks David. You’re the best. Podcasting wise, I am podcasting today. It’s Wednesday. It’s a show I usually do on Sunday nights, but it got pushed back because of ArthexCon and the schedule there And there was a part of me that didn’t want to do it because I’m so tired. I am tired. I am worn out. And I just decided, you know what? I’m gonna

take a nap and I’m gonna get up and I’m going to do the show notes and trick myself. I’ll just do the show notes. And then once I did the show notes, it was easy to record. So what am I reading, watching, playing and doing? Reading, I’m reading the book of skulls by Robert Silverberg and I’m almost done. I got a lot of reading done. I was waiting to not go on jury duty and I hope I hope it pays off. Okay I’m getting really close it tells you how much time you have left you know

in the book on Kindle and I hope it pays off because It’s gotten into way more crap than I’m comfortable with. And you guys know, I mean, I watch Rick and Morty, so I can get comfortable with a lot of crap. But this 1 is, It’s just morally questionable about whether I should even be reading it. But I’m so far in now. It’s like, you know, I’ll just just beg for forgiveness after the fact. I just need to finish reading it. But it’s I would not suggest it to anybody that values their salvation. It’s not something

I’m proud that I’m reading. But I’m watching Dexter and I guess that falls in the same category. It’s a showtime show and So there’s stuff in there that I watch it while I’m doing other things. So every now and then I see stuff I don’t want to see. But it here’s the thing. I’m not completely hooked into the story. It still comes off kind of like a sitcom. So give me ideas for something better. Send me emails, jamesnlcast.com. And what is good? What is good on Netflix? What is good on prime? I have prime, I have

Netflix, I have Apple Plus, I have Hulu and I have Max, you know, which is HBO Plus or whatever it was before that HBO Max, it’s just Max now. So I have all of that. So what is good? Tell me something better to watch than Dexter. And then I’ve been watching the acolyte, which is getting a lot of hate. And it does have 2 homosexual characters in it, but they’re not even main characters and they died in fire. And I think a lot of people are hating on it because of that, but it is the greatest

spinoff story that I’ve experienced and I love it. It’s really good. It’s really really good. Star Wars Acolyte love it. What am I playing? I bought something. I bought another game and I know I’m not supposed to do that because I have so many games that I haven’t played at all. Watch Dogs 2, you know, I started playing. Resident Evil Village I bought and played for a little while. Well, now I bought Dead Island 2, which is the sequel to a game I really enjoyed called Dead Island, where you’re stuck on this island and there’s zombie

outbreak and you’re in this vacation wonderland with all these zombies and you have to create tools and buy and then beat the smack out of these zombies. And I love zombie games, man. I do. I love it. I love the gore. Okay. And in this 1, when you hit them in the legs, it hurts them in the legs. Like you can see the damage and it’s so satisfying and call me sick if you want to, but that’s amazing to me. And It’s a great game. It’s a little more on the rails. It’s not as open world

as its predecessor was, but I don’t hate that. I grew up with Doom, you know, and Wolfenstein 3D, which was definitely more on the rails. And what I mean by that is there’s a path that you must go through. You know, there’s an order to things, and there’s tasks that you do in a certain order. And I don’t mind that a bit. A lot of people really hate that, and they like to be able to just go and do whatever they want. I kind of hate that. The same reason that I used to hate, what are

the books that choose your own adventure books? I was always holding my finger on every decision because I would read all the way through and then I would back up and then read the other decisions because I wanted to get the most out of the book. And with games like Starfield, which is the Bethesda game, where you can literally just go out and do anything, I find myself getting lost. And I feel like I kind of experience everything. I have to get my maximum amount of enjoyment and money out of this game. And I find myself

not getting gripped into the game as much. So thank God for the simplicity of Dead Island 2. You’re just, you’re in LA, you’re playing crashes. I’m playing some rockstar chick and you’re just going through again, it’s not a vacation wonderland but it’s like a rich people’s wonderland and there’s all these zombies running around and you have to defeat them in complete quests and there’s all these personalities, you know, these LA type personalities and stuff. So I’m really enjoying it. What am I doing? I finished my buzz light year that I was doing out of 1 centimeter

plastic blocks. I don’t know. I’ll post, if you go, if you become my friend on Facebook, you can see a picture of it. That’s where I posted the picture. He didn’t turn out exactly like I thought he would. I started doing him and putting him together with the intention of making him perfect. Okay. Like each square would go in together perfectly. And the paint, first of all, didn’t coat well. Even when I sanded it, you know, and put primer on it, the craft paint, some of it had a lot of pigment, other ones needed multiple coats.

And so there’s brush marks when the light hits it. And so to do it over again is in the possibly in the works because of that, I would use spray primer and then airbrush. I have an airbrush. I could airbrush the color onto it and get it, you know, just perfect. I got this perfect sheet of glass and my square started getting a lot more perfect. So there’s a part of him that is kind of Minecrafty looking where the blocks don’t line up quite right. And then there’s a part that’s nice and smooth, his legs and

his head and stuff like that. But it’s All in all, I would say it’s a big disaster. I think from 5 foot away, he looks fine. I kind of want to put a coat of resin over him, like 2 coats of resin and see if that doesn’t forgive a multitude of sins. If it doesn’t take the brush marks away and just leave it with a nice clear solid sheen. I don’t know, I don’t know. I don’t know. But if you’re my friend on Facebook, go to James Kennison. It’s facebook.com slash nlcast I think is my short

code. And let me know what you think. I am, I have ordered for my neck. I guess I’m in a craft phase and I haven’t been in a craft phase in years but I ordered some clay and I ordered a spring because I’ve had a goal on my wishlist for a long time. I never thought I would be back into crafting again but I wanna make a Buzz Lightyear bobble head. Now I have several, okay? I’ve got Funko ones, I’ve got ones from different manufacturers. I have ones that are made of ceramic. But I was walking

through a mall past a sporting, it wasn’t a sporting goods store, it was a sporting collector’s store. And they had these, they had to have been 2 foot tall, oversized bobble heads of football players. And I just immediately was like, I got to have that. But his Buzz Lightyear. And the trick has been finding the spring cause I can model the body. I can model the head, but what size spring is gonna hold his head up just right? How much is that head gonna weigh? I got on Amazon and I started looking up springs. First, I

Googled, there’s no help on Google. You got people that wanna sell you giant bobble heads and I even emailed 1 and said, hey, look, just sell me a spring, no response whatsoever. So I got online, I got on Amazon, I started looking up springs and some of them will tell you how much weight they can hold. And So I ended up buying 2 different springs for about $5, 1 was $3, 1 was $5 and 1 will hold up to 5 pounds and 1 will hold up to 10 pounds. And I’m not imagining in any stretch of

the imagination that I’m gonna approach 5 or 10 pounds with this head, but it’s gonna be a big head, okay? It’s gonna be maybe a little smaller than a soccer ball. It’s gonna be a big head and a big body for that matter. I imagine him being at least a foot tall. So there’ll be a lot of clay, but it’s gonna be polymer clay and it’ll be the kind that you cure up in the oven. So I’ll be able to build it and then cure it and then build more on top of it and cure that.

I got some basic tools. So that’ll be what I do next. And buying springs. I will be buying springs until I find the spring that I think will support the head. And when I do, when I do find this information, I’m going to post an article on my blog at jameskennison.com. And I’m gonna provide this answer to the world because no 1 knows. I found a post from 4 years ago where a guy was like, I wanna make a giant bobble head. And I was so excited. I’m like somebody that finally wants to do what I

want. It was on Reddit and no 1 had answered him for 4 years. I’m like, crap, I’m gonna have to figure this out on my own. So anyway, my closing thought for today is this, okay? It’s long. Depression gives you a gift that it never intended to give you. It makes you a sufferer, someone who suffers. And as such, you are part of a great group of people who have been forced to shed all the bull crap of life and don’t have the time or the energy for anything more than the basics. It strips you down

as a suff, as you, as you suffer, if you keep on living, And I pray that you do, you will grow into a better type of person, not just a better person, a better type of person. You will be more authentic, you will be more honest, you will be more open. And most of all, you will be able to support others who are suffering in the right way. Not the way people try to help you where they say these trite little things and they post their stupid little comments on Facebook that’s just supposed to fix everybody.

Your skin is not paper, so don’t cut it. That was the latest 1 I heard. It’s like, yeah, that sounds good. That sounds good, but it doesn’t work. It doesn’t work. It just makes you seem like you care. And maybe you do, but you don’t know how. But that’s the thing. As a person who suffers, it translates to any suffering. So if somebody’s lost a loved 1, if somebody’s lost a child, if someone is going through depression, you are part of it. I don’t want to say elite group, but you’re part of an elite group of

people who are sufferers and it makes you better. So that’s another reason to hang on if you’re dealing with depression is it is accidentally, it’s never wanting to do anything nice for you, never wants to do anything but kill you and destroy you. But if you survive it, and I believe you can, I so believe you can, I know you can, if you stay alive, you will be a better person? It will carve and mold and shape you and beat you into a better person. So there you go. This show is brought to you by our

supporting listeners on Patreon with special thanks to Carrie Wright and Carrie Bernhardt. Join the community, become a supporting listener today at patreon.com slash GOK. Email me your feedback, thoughts and questions, things I should be watching instead of Dexter, jamesatnlcast.com. And if you have a topic you’d love to hear me talk about, if you have questions you’d love for me to answer, please send them jamesatnlcast.com. For everything else, visit outlivingdepression.com. We’ll see you guys next time. God bless.