Today we’re thrilled to introduce our guest, David Studebaker. Known for his uplifting comedy, music, and personal stories, David has a new comedy special called “Oracle of Dry Bar” and has been featured on various platforms such as SiriusXM, Fox, ABC, and the San Francisco Chronicle.
“Toilet Water Trauma,” comes from Eden, a storyteller from Helena, Montana. Eden shares a hilarious tale of the time she unknowingly flushed the toilet after someone had already clogged it and the lengths she went to trying to keep it from her mom.
446: Stuff That Didn’t Fit on the Show
Check out David Studebaker // Twitter // Facebook // Tiktok // Instagram
David’s special: David’s Ark
David’s Book: Lone Star Lance – Kindle // Amazon // Audible
James Kennison:
Hey, podcast people. This is that story show where funny, real life stories take the spotlight. It’s episode 446, brought to you the week of August 24, 2023. I’m your host. My name is James Kinnison, and my good friend is here.
David Studebaker:
Hey.
James Kennison:
He’S mostly here. His slim is here.
John Steinklauber:
Yeah, I’m here.
James Kennison:
Wow. Where did that come from? That’s awkward.
John Steinklauber:
I’m sorry. Totally ruined the joke that I was going to tell you.
James Kennison:
Should have practiced talking before you get on the podcast. Do your pun. Come on, do your joke.
John Steinklauber:
Hey, James, did you I got a food fact for you. It’s more of a food.
James Kennison:
Okay. Okay.
John Steinklauber:
So French fries weren’t originally cooked in France. Yeah, they’re cooked in god greek fries. I hate that joke. I hate it right now. But I love french fries.
James Kennison:
I took all the joke sound effects out of the sound effects launcher. So the butam bump is gone and so is the Wonk Wonk WA. So you earned one. How about this one? People laughing, but not really. Yeah, I still kept Greece.
John Steinklauber:
Those Greek fries, they’ll do it to you.
James Kennison:
We have to do this. We have to introduce our guest. He has been wowing audiences for over ten years, blending uplifting comedy, music, personal stories and pop culture into his interactive shows. He has a new comedy special called Oracle of Drybar on Drybar, of course. He’s a regular on Sirius XM. He’s been featured on Fox, ABC, San Francisco Chronicle. He emcees award shows. He’s won best director for his documentary called David’s Arc. He’s written a hilarious mystery novel called Lone Star Lance. He lives in La with his wife, two sons and his dogs. Introducing the one and only David Studebaker. Welcome to the show.
David Studebaker:
Thank you. Thank you. Very excited to be here. Thank you. Thank you.
James Kennison:
Yeah. Look at all the stuff he’s done. What have you done with your day, John?
John Steinklauber:
Nothing. Nothing at day.
James Kennison:
I spent the day stalking David Studebaker online.
David Studebaker:
Nice.
James Kennison:
How you doing, man? Welcome to the show.
David Studebaker:
Thank you. Thanks for having me. I’m excited to be here. This is an honor. It’s not every day that you get to hang out with your which I know this may not be for the audio or the visual, but your discord room. Bunch of great people. I may gendered one of them, that’s fine. But you know what? They’re great people. And the profile picture, there was a man directly in the middle. What am I going to do? You know what? That’s fine. Great to be here.
James Kennison:
Well, we always start with an opening story. This one’s called toilet water trauma. It’s from Eden in Helena, Montana. I hope I’m saying that right. This is Eden. And I wanted to tell you about the stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my life. It started on a regular, completely ordinary day at home. I had a feeling that I had to relieve myself, so I went to the bathroom, and after finishing going, as you do, I flushed the toilet. But little did I know that someone else before me had clogged the toilet. You know the kind of clog that you can’t see until you flush the toilet and the water goes up instead of going down? Yeah. It started overflowing all over the floor. I knew I had to clean up the water before I got my parents help, so I reached in the cupboard to get some towels to soak up the mess. But to my shock, there were no towels in the cupboard. All that I could do was find a washcloth. There was a freaking rug and a hand towel. There was so much standing water on the floor that the water completely penetrated and soaked everything I tried to put down. I completely panicked. I knew I couldn’t just casually walk downstairs and be like, hey, mom, how are you doing? Guess what? There’s a quarter inch of water in the bathroom. No. I had to clean up the water any way possible. So I looked down at my clothes and I said to myself, with great honor comes great sacrifice. I proceeded to take off my clothes, throw them on the floor, and attempt to soak up the water.
David Studebaker:
That’s how you do it.
James Kennison:
Full commitment. 100%. The water entirely soaked my clothes and they didn’t even help. They didn’t do anything. I gave up on the idea of cleaning the water. I figured I’ll just run to my room real quick, right across the hall, no big deal. Get some clothes and go get mom. And just as I was about to make my little streak across the hall, the worst thing possible happened. My dad comes clomping upstairs. So now, running to my room, family is not an option. So dad would see me. Dad would see me. He saw me my whole freaking childhood. But now, suddenly, it’s a big deal. So I looked down at my sopping clothes and I got an idea. This is where it gets really crazy. I grabbed my soaked clothes off the floor and I put them back on. That’s gross. Sorry, Eden. That’s gross.
John Steinklauber:
What’s the saying, James?
James Kennison:
Once it goes into a certain thing, it belongs to that thing. Like if you had a tooth fallout, like a crown or something, and it fell into poop, it now belongs to the poop. You can’t clean it and put it back in. And once clothes go into peebee water, it belongs to the sewers now.
David Studebaker:
Well, actually, can I make an argument?
James Kennison:
Yes.
David Studebaker:
Urine is sterile. Urine to me, different ballgame poop. If there’s diarrhea or poop or poop remnants, that’s when it’s been claimed. Urine sterile. Not worried?
James Kennison:
No. We’re just going to have to agree to disagree on urine because also depends.
David Studebaker:
On whose urine too. If it’s my own urine not worried about know. I mean, there’s people who pee on themselves for fun. People drink their own pee.
James Kennison:
I know. And they’re crazy.
David Studebaker:
I am in los angeles we do crazy things.
James Kennison:
You know, I just imagine her suiting up like freaking iron man. All these wet clothes slopping on her body. But anyway, so now I can’t run to my room. Dad would see me. So I looked down at my sopping clothes. I got an idea. I grabbed them off the floor, put them back on. I ran to my room and changed into fresh non wet clothes but left them on the daggum floor to stink up the carpet. Then I told mom about the situation upstairs. So don’t put on wet toilet water clothes. My friends. I’m probably still contaminated with toilet water over 99% of my body. That’s my story. Hope it makes it on the show. Eaten from helena, montana. Thank you so much for your story. That was amazing.
John Steinklauber:
Yes. Congratulations.
James Kennison:
Good job. Honestly, it’s very rare that a story makes me laugh out loud. When I read that, I was in here by myself laughing my butt off. And then I was laughing at the put the water clothes in the water and then she freaking puts them back on that’s next level.
David Studebaker:
Yeah, that’s the twist. That is the twist. Wow.
James Kennison:
Dedication.
John Steinklauber:
Well done.
David Studebaker:
What I want to know is, I mean, those must have been some very disciplinary parents because yeah.
James Kennison:
She was so scared.
David Studebaker:
You got to be really afraid of those parents. Yeah. I’ll put on poop clothes just to not have them be mad at me.
James Kennison:
That’s true. There are children that have probably died because their friends saw them get injured and they’re more worried about telling mom than getting their friend.
David Studebaker:
Yeah.
James Kennison:
Sounds like a stephen king novel.
John Steinklauber:
Sorry fault.
James Kennison:
It’s kind of dark.
John Steinklauber:
She didn’t clog the toilet. Somebody else did it.
David Studebaker:
Yes also good point again. Very good point.
James Kennison:
Yeah. Let’s do some news. Nuggets suburban detroit woman says she found a live frog in a spinach container. This comes from Sutherfield, michigan. A woman in southfield michigan rather got a fright when she discovered a live frog in a pack of spinach from a local grocery store. Hey, it sounds like cereal box in the yes get a free pet. Yeah, you get a free pet. Amber warrock purchased the sealed spinach package from a store. Her daughter found the live frog inside and screamed. She returned the package and the frog to the store to get a full refund because if you don’t bring back the frog, you’re not going to get all your money back.
John Steinklauber:
She’d get a bonus.
James Kennison:
The frog was released by the store workers. Here’s the kick, though. The michigan department of agriculture and rural development now is expressing concern because they couldn’t confirm if the frog was a freaking native to the state. You know what? If it’s not, it’s going to die lonely, so why does it even matter? Anyway, the incident was reported to the US FDA. Taylor Farms, the owner of Earthbound Farm, apologized and empathized their commitment to quality veggies and slimy pets. No, I added that part.
John Steinklauber:
Quality pest free veggies.
James Kennison:
So, kids, if you want a new friend, you heard it, taylor Farms. That’s the kind of spinach you want.
David Studebaker:
I will say as a once again FRU FRU Californian who is obsessed with his who literally and this is true when I’m in a new town again, my buddy James, who’s my opener, who’s a very strong man, unlike me. He makes fun because my happy place. When I get to a new town to perform, the first thing I do is if they have a Whole Foods, I go there and it gets me into my happy place and I feel comfortable. So that being said, I am that annoying person. However, the organic, organic, like Earthbound Farms and some of the other organic companies, their labeling for things, the Virtue signaling on their labeling annoys me so much, they’ll probably start putting no frogs in this. There was a laundry detergent, eco friendly laundry detergent. And I swear to you it had a stamp on it that said certified gluten free.
James Kennison:
Wow.
David Studebaker:
Who is that?
James Kennison:
That’s for the tide.
David Studebaker:
Pod chicken.
John Steinklauber:
Certified.
David Studebaker:
Yeah, but if you’re kicking back tall glasses of laundry detergent, I think you have bigger problems than gluten. Okay? Are there people eating? Like people with celiac disease? There’s just tons of people with celiac disease who wash their clothes and then eat them. Like my socks. Benedict has gluten in it. Get me the EpiPen, honey. It’s really crazy. They really need to relax. And I swear there’s going to be a frog. There’s going to be a frog label. Now, I promise you, they will have a frog.
James Kennison:
100% frog free.
David Studebaker:
Yeah, exactly. Certified frog free.
James Kennison:
Delayed passengers growl after a bear escapes from a crate in a cargo hold of an Iraqi plane in Dubai. Before I begin, I fly southwest to avoid the possibility of ever being on the same plane with a freaking bear. That’s all I’m going to say.
John Steinklauber:
Wait, they put a bear on the tail on that oh, that’s frontier. Never mind.
James Kennison:
Yeah. Baghdad Iraqi’s prime minister has ordered an investigation the prime minister into how a bear escaped from his crate in the cargo hold of an Iraqi aircraft as it was due to depart from Dubai airport, leaving passengers disgruntled over the delay and causing a stir in social media.
David Studebaker:
You have to pay extra on Spirit Airlines just to not have the bear next to you. It’s an upcharge.
James Kennison:
Yeah, you can buy spinach. You get a frog, you get on airplane, you get a free bear. The bear experience extra. We won’t give you a glass of water, but you get to come pet the bear during the flight. Airways said it wasn’t to blame for the bear’s escape. The bear did it. He had a little lock pick set. The crew worked with authorities in the United Emirates, which dispatched specialists did you know you could specialize in removing a bear from a plane? You can, because there are specialists who sedated the animal and removed it from the plane. A video clip circulating on social media showed the plane’s captain apologizing to passengers. Hello, ladies and gentlemen. We’d like to let you know that if you look out your right, the bear is asleep and it is being moved right along with all your baggage. And the baggage he ate will be getting off the ground in just about 15 minutes. Thank you for holding. They got to take off delay because the bear’s escaped from its crate in the cargo hold. All that bummer around and growling you hear, that is a bear. In accordance with the law and procedures and standards approved by the International Air Transport Association, the bear was carried out. So apparently they had freaking rules and regs in effect that weren’t followed. That led to the Prime Minister of the whole country to get involved.
John Steinklauber:
Could you imagine, Prime Minister? I mean, how big of a bear was.
James Kennison:
It? Was it like a, you know, Dubai? I have to imagine it’s somebody rich that owns it. Maybe it rode a ball. Maybe it was a circus bear. Maybe it had a little vest on. I don’t know. He’s my pet man.
John Steinklauber:
Keep him in a little crate like they keep the dogs in.
James Kennison:
The freaking crate was useless because the bear got out. Yeah, we got a couple of announcements I need to get through real quick. Hats are available. Etsy.com nlcast get them while they last. I say that because I want it to seem like they’re going fast. I’m not selling a freaking one of them. I mean, they were popular for a minute. Now I got two boxes of hats. Buy a freaking hat. Etsy.com. Nocast. If you love me, you’ll do it. Subscribe to that story show’s YouTube channel youtube.com slash at symbol that story show. We’re doing shorts a couple, three times a week and they’re fun and entertaining. If you love what we do here, you’ll absolutely love what we’re doing on YouTube. So check that out. And then theme show. Remember our theme show? We’re going to wait until we get enough content for it and then we’ll put it on. So you’ve got time, but do it now. Fears and tears. So let me just elaborate. If you have ever scared the crap out of somebody, or somebody’s scared the crap out of you, we want those stories. We also want times you’ve made somebody cry and times somebody’s made you cry. You can think back. Everybody’s got that third grade story on the playground. You might not think it’s funny, but I’m just wicked enough to think it is, so please do that for me. It’s time for us to get into our featured story time.
David Studebaker:
Let me tell y’all story. Let me tell y’all story.
James Kennison:
First, a quick word from our sponsors. All right, David, I’m gonna ask you some questions. Are you ready?
David Studebaker:
I’m ready.
James Kennison:
It’s a quiz, but it’s about you, so you probably know all the answers.
David Studebaker:
I hope so.
James Kennison:
All right.
John Steinklauber:
I hope you studied.
James Kennison:
So tell me about your poop makers.
David Studebaker:
Well, I have four of them. I have two dogs and a baby and a four year old. And they’re both boys. They’re both big boys. So my entire life is poop. It’s just a constant flow of poop. I only do stand up just to get away from the poop, just to escape for a couple of hours from the onslaught. But, yeah, no, they’re so I have a four year old and the baby, my four year old, my wife calls him mini Me because we’re best friends during COVID He was like a baby during the initial shutdown, and so I was just home all the time, and she was working at the time, so I was his primary caretaker for the first year of his life. And so he and I are extremely bonded, and his personality is very similar to mine. So, yeah, he’s a sweetheart, even though he’s bigger and stronger than me already at age four. And then the baby is wonderful mischievous and too smart for his own good. It’s going to be a problem. It already is a problem. You shouldn’t have a one year old outsmarting you on a regular basis.
James Kennison:
Oh, man, they are so slick. They’re so slick.
David Studebaker:
Yeah, and he gives looks like he’s got the eyes of, like, a 55 year old anarchist.
John Steinklauber:
Watching you.
David Studebaker:
Yeah, but I love being a dad, and they’re a true blessing.
James Kennison:
Wow. I think the Menendez brothers had those kind of eyes when they were babies. Watch out.
David Studebaker:
Wow. Hopefully not that level. Hopefully just more subverting. Whatever we want him to do.
John Steinklauber:
Just lock your door when you go to sleep.
David Studebaker:
Okay? Yeah, clearly.
James Kennison:
Or lock his unless he’s as good as a bear, and then it won’t work. So tell me about your dogs. What kind of dogs do you have?
David Studebaker:
I have a Jack Russell papillon mix, and I have a Yorkie poo. Extremely non masculine dogs.
James Kennison:
Yeah, no, that’s fine. Little Yorkie poo. My mother is a dog breeder, and so I know about the accident called the Yorkie poo. I know about that.
David Studebaker:
It shouldn’t be an accident. That dog, I will say, even though I make fun of, he is the perfect dog, in my opinion, because he’s hypoallergenic. He’s like, 15 pounds. He likes to play, but he will lay on you for, like, 15 hours straight. Whatever you want to do, he does. He is the most well behaved, just perfect. The other one, the Jack Russell, she’s a little crazy. Okay. Because she’s got papyam and there was some weird breeding that was going on. So one vet said she might actually have fox in her because of the way her teeth, like, the shape of her teeth. She’s like we’ll walk by, literally in our old complex, there’d be like this really drunk guy. He’d walk around and multiple times over the course of the couple of years when we were there, he’d walk by and just look at her and be like, what kind of dog is that? And then he would just walk away confused, because she’s gorgeous, but she has blue eyes and a bushy tail or like a lawn flowing tail, but she’s all white with spots and the big pappy on ears. And she even will hunt like a fox when you take her and my other dog to the park, if the other dog gets far away, she will get into a crouch position. And foxes, when they hunt, they crouch and then they pounce on and she will stalk him and then hop and pounce. And when she was a baby, she would make the fox distress noise when fox babies are so you have the.
James Kennison:
Answer to what’s the fox say, right? I do.
David Studebaker:
Yeah, I know. Totally. But she’s definitely like I mean, she’s still sweet, but definitely different ballgame. But the Yorkie poo, if I was going to pick, like, the perfect mix for me, yorkie poo.
James Kennison:
Love them. Awesome. Tell me your journey story from what you did before comedy to where you are now. Just go be awesome.
David Studebaker:
Well, thank you. The funny thing about my journey in stand up is I started doing stand up full time when I was 19. Oh, wow. Yeah, my journey started when I was six years old and a dentist put a filling on the wrong tooth. That was when and then the brace. I had braces twice. So basically I had a lot of health problems growing up. And as a kid, I was a really good basketball player. And my best friend growing up, who, he actually plays professional basketball now, but it was both of our dreams to become professional basketball players. But as he got bigger and blacker and I got skinnier and wider, it was very clear one of us had a future. I was much better at making fun of the people he was dunking on than actually playing, but I had a lot of health problems, especially in middle school. So I would watch Stay Up Late, I’d watch a lot of stand up and old sitcoms. And then I grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area, and my aunt and uncle live in San Francisco, so they would take me to The Punchline. When I was like 14, they started taking me. And if anyone doesn’t know, the Punchline is one of the more legendary clubs in the country. And to me, it’s the perfect comedy club. But what was funny is the first comic I ever saw live, I sat front row for Bobby Slayton, which I don’t know if you guys are you familiar basically he’s an old comic, he’s called the Pit Bull of comedy. He is one of the more hard edged filthy comics of the was. But what he did is because I’d only watched standup on TV and he interacted with the audience a lot and I didn’t know that was a thing at that point. Especially mean there’s YouTube and Instagram and TikTok where people see crowd work but at that know that wasn’t a thing. So all you saw was just like comedy Central or HBO specials or so seeing that and I do a lot of crowd work in my would, that was really cool. And then also going to the punchline which seeing that there’s like a middle class of comedy because you think at that point in time also you basically knew like Jerry, you saw famous comedians in their specials but I didn’t realize there was.
James Kennison:
A working class.
David Studebaker:
Yeah, you can make a living not as being ultra famous. So that was kind of when I got the bug and I went to an arts high school where I focused was film and long story, but my health problems kind of continued and I was able to start college because I had a really bad sleep disorder, which worked out great because stand up, you perform at night. So I was like one of the few fields that worked. But I finished my first two years of college by the time I was 18. And so I started touring with a rock band, which I don’t recommend, okay? Do not open, especially when you’re new. Trying to do stand up opening for a rock band is the absolute worst thing. The worst one just quickly was there was a heavy metal venue that they did and I had to go out and open for them at the heavy metal which I’ve never understood. Mosh pits in general, I don’t get the thing of like I love this song so much, I’m going to punch you in the face.
James Kennison:
You don’t know, man. Back in my day, right?
David Studebaker:
I’m sure there’s a virtue to it, but definitely not conducive to comedy. But I was kind of more hosting for them. Not really doing I hadn’t officially done stand up. And then the summer before my junior year of college, I just turned 19, I performed for the first time. And what was crazy is within the first six months of doing stand up because I didn’t have the kind of barrier that some people have in terms of stage fright because I had done some theater, I had done acting, I opened for a rock band which nothing can be worse than a stand up stage than that. So I had a really quick rise and I’m still pretty physical on stage, but I was really physical on stage at that time. And so I was able to be entertaining at a level that maybe my writing wasn’t, and my life experience wasn’t at that level. And also it was more of a novelty then to be a young comedian. Now, again, with the Internet and with everything, there’s a lot of younger comics, but at that time, it was like a thing. And so, yeah, within a few months, like six months, I was headlining shows. I was getting offers for nibbles from CBS and MTV to host shows. And what was fascinating, though, about that is I was not like a child star, but I was so not ready. Both my maturity, my ego, everything was not at all ready for even that little success that I had. And up until then, the braces. So the braces. The reason I brought up the braces earlier is I had braces the first time in middle school, and the orthodontist I had I think he hadn’t updated his tools since the Eisenhower administration because it was like I had the headgear. Did you guys have headgear?
James Kennison:
I never had braces.
David Studebaker:
Never. Okay, well, John, what was the deal? Headgear was like, who came up with, we’re going to put a miniature bowflex power lifter in your mouth, and then they’re like, oh, well, you have options. You can wear it at night and try to sleep with that torture device on your face. Yeah. Or you can wear that during the day and wear that to school. And I’m sure the school bullies will not notice at all that you look like a 1950s cartoon character.
John Steinklauber:
Headphones man. Leave me alone.
David Studebaker:
Yeah, exactly. So then I had braces again in college. It was like last year of high school, first year of college, which I already looked like I was 14. So adding braces to that, I was not exactly catnip for the ladies there. And this is true. We were broke. And my cell phone carrier, the only cell phone I could afford was a virgin mobile pay as you go flip phone, which is the perfect phone to make sure you stay a virgin. But I got my braces off my sophomore year. I started working out a lot. I started doing more theater. The reason I bring that up is, again, ego wise, I went from kind of sickly, braces little guy to all the girls who rejected me in high school were interested in me, and the local paper was doing write ups, and there were TV, nibbles, all that stuff. And I completely flamed out, and I had a lot of issues, and it was like a year of just really rough health problems, like crazy stuff. I had to have surgery on my throat, and it was a wild time. So then I had to kind of rebuild and kind of mentally, physically, spiritually find the way to kind of do this in a sustainable way. But yeah, so from there, it was just kind of slowly building up over the know, working the clubs in San Francisco, building kind of a name there. Then I moved to La about seven years of but the origin story, those early years were really crazy when I first started out.
James Kennison:
That’s crazy. But you were possibly the only comedian that’s ever crowd surfed or at least had the opportunity.
David Studebaker:
Yeah.
John Steinklauber:
Didn’t even have to carry guitar.
David Studebaker:
You know, the ironic thing this is the funny thing about the entertainment industry in Hollywood is when I started, I was very much like, kind of egoic all about me, and I was getting nothing but opportunities from things that could have accelerated me into actual real fame. Once I kind of was like, you know what? I want to do this for the love of bringing people know I’m coming from a really good place. Suddenly offers dry up completely, and it’s been know it’s been a slow and steady jump, but listen, MTV and CBS have not come calling ever since.
James Kennison:
You had a chance to sell your soul to the devil, and you didn’t do it. So my second favorite question is, how awesome is your spouse?
David Studebaker:
Number one, she is the most amazing person I’ve ever met, and she’s wonderful. But how else would I answer that? Even if she wasn’t, I would have to be just off camera comedians. So these comedians who get on stage and they’ll just rip their wives sometimes the wife will be there. I’m like, no amount of laughter would be worth the just awkwardness and horrible time at home. And I would never I mean, my wife is a genuine living saint, and I love her with all my heart. But even if she wasn’t come on, what are we doing? Yeah, I’m too shrewd for that.
James Kennison:
That’s great.
David Studebaker:
I want to stay married. That’s the other thing, too. Last year, I did 24 shows, headlined 24 shows on a cruise ship. We can get to that. I got punched on one of those. That’ll be the other featured story. I got punched at one at a kid friendly show, teasing it for later. I got punched during a kid friendly show on a cruise ship. But one of the reasons why I don’t do cruise much anymore and I always resisted doing them was a lot of times when you’re on a cruise ship, you’re gone for a long time, and you don’t always have great WiFi, and you’re kind of disconnected. And I don’t like to be disconnected from my wife and from my kids for too long of a time. That’s great. Yeah. And it’s funny because on stage, I’m very kind of partyish on stage, and I do a lot of fun things on stage, but off stage, I am the perfect comedian to be married to. If you’re a wife. Not that my wife gets jealous, but literally, I get off stage and I go to my hotel and I eat crackers. I drink. Milk, and I go to bed. I don’t drink, I don’t party, and audience members will want to afterwards. And I’m like, I’m sorry, that was on the stage. I’m going to go to bed. I’m going to go to bed and disappoint you greatly.
James Kennison:
That’s great. That’s good to hear. That’s how you live a long and healthy life in La. Right there.
David Studebaker:
Yeah, that’s true. Yeah, longevity.
John Steinklauber:
I get a lot of offers, but.
David Studebaker:
Yeah, and it’s funny, too, because on that cruise ship, they had, like, a chapel, and often after each show, I’d dip into the chapel to try to wash the cruise ship audience off of me. No offense. If there are some cruise ship audiences, I’m just saying they get a little wild and sometimes people would see me in there and they’d be like, wow, that’s a surprising after show party. So, yeah, there you go. There’s the wife. But, yeah, she’s amazing. And it’s wonderful because we definitely blend really well in terms of our values and what we want career wise, too, because there’s an old saying, there should never be two headshots in a marriage, meaning, like, two entertainers together is tough. And she doesn’t like the spotlight. She’s introverted, and she loves being like, she’s a stay at home mom now, and she’s always wanted to be a stay at home mom. And so it definitely we’re a good team.
James Kennison:
All right, tell me quickly, if you can, you wrote a book, it’s on Amazon Kindle, it’s on Audible. Tell me about your book and also tell me about this David’s Ark thing, the documentary that focused on people in places that protect animals in the environment. I want to hear about that.
David Studebaker:
Yeah. So the book is Lone Star Lance. Look at that right there. There it is. It’s my favorite thing that I’ve ever done in my career. It’s very personal. There’s a lot of humor in it, so I tried to make it humorous, and it’s a mystery. It’s very entertaining. It’s basically a fun, easy read through the whole thing. But it was really freeing because with stand up, you have to just always be making people laugh, even like, I have a degree in screenwriting and I write screenplays sometimes, but you’re thinking about budgets and actors, and this was just fully freeing. I could put in whatever I wanted to do. And so there’s just a lot there within it because in my family, there’s lots of different people who have different views on religion, politics, all different kinds of things. And I wanted to kind of have a book that showed and we all coexist well, and I wanted to kind of have a book that could show that that kind of anyone could read this book and enjoy it and feel like they were properly represented in it and be entertained and have a great mystery. And it’s been really nice. Over this, we got the reader’s favorite Five Star Award and the Audible, I narrated it, so if you want me, I do everything on that one. So unless you’re annoyed with my voice so far, I didn’t narrate. It starts out in San Francisco and then it goes to Texas, and there’s a lot there. There’s secret societies and secret theater clubs and murders, and it gets really wild. And all the proceeds go to a very good cause. They all go to paying for my son’s diapers. The Studibaker Diaper Foundation. Very much appreciates you getting it on Audible or Amazon.
James Kennison:
I dropped that name again. Drop that title again. What is it?
David Studebaker:
Yeah, it’s Lone Star. Lance the state of Texas. The Lone Star State. And yeah, there it downloaded it sorry. Oh, thank you. I’m honored. Appreciate it.
James Kennison:
Yeah, I’ll spend an Audible credit on it.
David Studebaker:
Thank you. I appreciate that.
John Steinklauber:
I didn’t download it for free, just in case you were thinking that maybe.
David Studebaker:
Bootleg no, I appreciate that, John. Thank you. It’s been cool. The other thing and I’ll stop droning on about it. But the other thing that’s been really cool about it is it has made my shows, it’s given even more meaning to my stand up shows because I sell them after shows and I get to because not all shows are some are kind of rugged and tough, but it’s like any author would die to have a book signing where you have that many people there, where you so it’s been really and again, teasing the featured story. There’s a tidbit in the featured story about the creation of that.
James Kennison:
Right.
David Studebaker:
And then David Zark, just quickly, it was a show that kind of developed. Interestingly. We just shot for fun some stuff. I love animals and I love the planet. And I felt like a lot of the discourse was very much dominated by people kind of loud voices on either side on that. And to me, most people are just trying to make a living and they’d like to help out, but sometimes it feels like such a massive thing or it’s confusing or whatever. And so I just wanted to have a show that was funny with me because I’m a dummy. So it was just me jumping into the world of places that help animals and making it funny doing that. It was kind of an offshoot of a show I did for a cable channel back in the day. And then one of the episodes we did, a couple of them won some awards in some film festivals, including best Director at the Oregon Documentary Film Festival. And would you believe it, James, I’m teasing another part of the featured story there’s a featured story about how the quasi death of David’s Ark led to something really cool, but it still lives somewhat. We still may do it, but we it’s on YouTube. We put all the episodes on YouTube. The one that won a bunch of awards. If you’re going to watch one watch the Marine Mammal Center one, you literally can just type in David Studebaker or David’s Ark, like Noah’s Ark. And then marine mammal center. It’ll pop up. Or you can go to my website, Davidstudebaker.com, and it’ll have all a bunch of the episodes there. But yeah, the Marine Mammal Center one, that’s the one that won a lot of the and that was kind of our pilot that then got us almost on a big streaming network and yada yada.
James Kennison:
Well, it’s time. It’s time for you to tell some of these stinking stories. I want to hear the story of you getting punched in the face.
David Studebaker:
Of course, yeah. I did 24 shows. They were separated out, but 24 shows total last year on the Margaritaville cruise ship.
James Kennison:
Oh, boy.
John Steinklauber:
Basically a floating bar.
David Studebaker:
Yeah, exactly. Or a floating motel. Six. Whatever. Well, I’m going to be nice. I’m going to be nice. You can look on YouTube and you can see the reviews.
James Kennison:
He doesn’t work for him anymore. What do you say? What he.
David Studebaker:
They do? So it’s a two night cruise. Usually I do eight nights in a row, and there’s a show every night. So they go back and forth between Palm Beach and a very sad port in the Bahamas. The first night off the boat. Yeah, it’s funny, ironically say that in 24 shows, I got off the boat two times and I just walked, and then I got back on, and Margaritaville doesn’t even have access to the nice cruise port unless there’s another ship there. Where was I?
James Kennison:
Yes.
David Studebaker:
So they do two shows. So the first night is a kid friendly show, and then the second night is an adults only show. And the night I got punched, by the way, they would do the show, the kid friendly show, it was 10:30 p.m. At night or 10:00 p.m. At night on a booze cruise.
James Kennison:
Wow.
David Studebaker:
Which not a lot of kids at that show.
James Kennison:
I don’t want to go.
David Studebaker:
There weren’t a lot of kids on that ship in general. I mean, I’d walk around, I would see a kid, I’m like, what are you doing here? I mean, this is where you go to get hammered, sipping on a pina colada. Yeah, exactly. Before I come out, it’s like a big theater. It’s a gorgeous theater. And there’s no security, though, okay, in this 500 seat theater, which they tell me is actually standard for some cruise ships, I don’t know. But the host comes out for the kid friendly show, and this is just one of their hosts, not like a comedian. So I’m coming out cold, and I had to do two completely separate sets each night. So the host comes out, and this is how that night they introduced me, they go, who here wants to see some adults only comedy? And the whole theater roars, and then they go, well, you came on the wrong night. This is the kids show. And the whole theater. Baker thanks, guy. Yeah, exactly. And what I would try to do to kind of change the energy after the booing is I’d have them play music, and I would go into the audience and kind of high five, dance a little bit, and then walk back on stage. Well, as I’m walking back to the stage, there’s a guy sitting to my right. And as I about to pass him, he has this crazy look in his eyes, and he shouts at me, I’m going to punch you in the nuts. And I’m like, okay. Wow. Nice to meet you, sir. And so I’m like, no, you’re not. And I turn, and he haymakers me uppercut in the butt. Now I’m like, okay, what do I do? I don’t want to get a fight with this guy and ruin it for the four kids who are there to see the show. I’m going to be a pro. Yeah. I’m going to soldier on. So I get on stage, but the whole time I’m on stage, I’m looking over, and this guy still has this crazy, angry look in his eyes staring at me.
James Kennison:
So angry.
David Studebaker:
I don’t know. Finally, I’m like, oh, yeah, there’s the guy who wanted to punch me in the nuts. And he stands up and he shouts, yeah. And I’ll do it again. And he runs out of theater.
James Kennison:
Wow.
David Studebaker:
Well, now I’m on a floating prison with this psychopath who’s just roaming around anywhere on that ship. Puncher yeah, exactly. And so there was a woman next to him, and I was like, who was sitting next to him? Do you know who that guy is? She’s like, no, I’ve never seen him before in my life. Well, it turns out security later said that is his wife. That is his wife. Maybe not for long. I don’t know. I missed that during the show. There was a woman sitting next to him. After he stormed out, I was like, do you know who that guy is? And she’s like, no, I’ve never seen him before in life. I don’t know who that guy is. And then turns out later, security said that’s his wife. They showed me her picture on the room key.
James Kennison:
I wouldn’t claim him either.
David Studebaker:
Right.
James Kennison:
I’ve never seen him before in my life.
David Studebaker:
So then security is, okay, tomorrow night we will have a security presence at your show. I’m like, okay. Yeah, right. Thank you. So I start my set. Two minutes into my set, I look up, and I see the security because they’re way off in the back. I see them run out of the theater, and I’m like, okay, that’s comforting. It turns out there was, like, a nine person brawl in the casino. I don’t know if the nut puncher tried to play blackjack or something. I don’t know. Exactly. Needless to say, I am not complaining that I don’t do the Margaritaville cruise ship anymore.
James Kennison:
Wow.
David Studebaker:
Yeah.
James Kennison:
That couple I just imagine their wedding. He’s down at the front, and the pastor’s like, we’ve gathered here today, I’m going to punch you in the nuts.
David Studebaker:
I know.
John Steinklauber:
Looking forward to that. I mean, I’ve heard kids say that to me before, so I guess maybe well, yeah.
David Studebaker:
And the thing is, as I kind of mulled it over afterwards, I think initially he thought he was being really funny. He just may have, like, one of those faces that has just crazy looking face. Yeah. And then when I was like, no, you’re not going to punch me in the nuts.
John Steinklauber:
No, you’re not.
David Studebaker:
I think he got mad that I got mad at him threatening to punch me in the nuts. And then that’s why he was, like, angry. And then especially since I called him out on stage, further angered and ran out, and then later, because security tracked him down, and he was just, like, sitting in the lounge, just, like, just watching these ladies dance and do karaoke. It was very weird. I don’t know. Not for me.
James Kennison:
Not for me. Wow, man. I think you should go on some sort of list if you’re that guy, they put pedophiles on list. If you’re a nut puncher, you should have to wear a T shirt or something just to warn people.
David Studebaker:
Yeah, well, and the other thing about it, too, why I was extra on high alert is you’re at sea, and the laws are different there. People say actual legit, private investigators and people like that will say, if you want to murder someone, do it on a cruise ship. Oh, no. Because you’re not under American jurisdiction. And who investigates what happened sometimes can be tricky. And so it depends on the cruise ship. It depends on where you’re sailing. So that’s also where they do have a metal detector coming in. I wasn’t worried about anything like that. But you’re stuck. Like, if it’s a comedy club, if you want to go on my TikTok at Studebaker Comedy or my Instagram at David Studebaker, there’s a very recent video. It’s like the most recent or second most recent or third video of a woman who, towards the end of my set, just stormed the stage, but she just wanted to tell a really bad joke, and she was very hammered in that situation, and I didn’t get mad. You’ll see how I handled it in there? But in that situation, I get to leave that club and go home or to my hotel, tell afterwards. Whereas, like a cruise ship, I’m in that fishbowl all the time. I go to get food. I go everywhere, and you’re in long hallways. You’re stuck. So that was not comforting.
James Kennison:
Okay. I will say I want to let you go soon, but there is one story that we happen to have submitted that might be connected to your nut puncher guy. Maybe this is a tale from his childhood. All right.
David Studebaker:
Yeah.
James Kennison:
Maybe Asher Coomb sent this in, he said three years ago at a Christian summer camp I was volunteering at. I was in the kitchen and we were standing around waiting for a couple of minutes for the kids to come in. And one of the cook’s kids told me, I bet I could get you on the ground. He was like twelve, so I assumed that he would try to tackle me. And I took the bet. He was wearing heavy hiking boots, and he reared back his leg and kicked me squarely in the junk. So good lordy pants, it hurt like mad. But I bet he couldn’t get me on the ground and I wouldn’t go down in shame. So I chased him down with adrenaline, holding the pain at bay for seconds. I took his hat from his head and I slapped him around with it. But I didn’t do anything because I didn’t want to injure the child. And I didn’t want that added to my offenses at camp. But here’s the kicker, pun intended. When I peed a couple of minutes later, there was a definite red tent in the stream. I can’t imagine that was normal. So I learned that day that if a guy says he can get you down, his first target is the junk. And he’s probably had practice, so he knows what he’s doing. Asher Coombs, I’d like to thank you for being on the show. Tell everybody where they can find you.
David Studebaker:
Oh, yeah. Well, first of all, thank you for having me. Thank you to the chat. I mean, listen, montag putting the link to the audible in the he’s amazing. What a hero. Montag, thank you, the not a man VIP trapnell for getting it on the wish list. Someone just left. I don’t know what happened. Someone left the discord as I was thanking them. They don’t like being complimented in the chat. All I want to say is thank you. The chat’s been really cool. I’ve been enjoying it. You rock in the chat. Which actually that’s a quick thing too. I still do a lot of virtual shows on Zoom, like corporate events, which an hour long show alone on Zoom is a special kind of performance. Purgatory.
James Kennison:
Wow.
David Studebaker:
But unless you want to hire me, in which case I love it, it’s my favorite thing in the world. Please hire me for your company’s event. But I actually do really enjoy some comedians don’t, but I really enjoy this format. It was awesome being on with you guys. Thank you so much for having me. And where you can find me, my website, david Studabaker.com. Just my name david and Studebaker. Like the car. Instagram at David Studebaker, TikTok at studebaker comedy. YouTube at studebaker comedy, I believe. But if you just search David Studabaker and comedy, you’ll see my channel. It’ll pop up. Facebook at studebaker comedy. I only use my personal one. That’s where all my stuff is. There is like a David Studebaker page that there’s like twelve followers. I never use it. It lives on its own. It’s a long story. We won’t get into it. I’ve bored you enough. But yes. Thank you so much. And I guess I’m on Twitter or X at David Studebaker. I also post on that once every seven to eight years, but sometimes I do. So it’ll be fun. But yeah. Thank you so much. This has been truly a blast. This is such an awesome podcast and honor to be here. Thank you, John. And James. And get Lone Star. Lance, please. Yes, the diapers. They’re expensive. Amazon. It’s generous donations like you that keep the Studabaker Diaper Foundation alive. So, yeah. Thank you so much.
James Kennison:
This was a awesome, awesome have a good evening.
David Studebaker:
Thank you so much. You, too.
James Kennison:
All we have left, really, is to choose our yeah. They only had two stories. My favorite was the first.
John Steinklauber:
My favorite was Eden.
James Kennison:
Yeah.
John Steinklauber:
Eden’s story was awesome.
James Kennison:
All right, Eden, you’re our winner. So congratulations.
John Steinklauber:
All the way up there in Helena, Montana. That’s the capital, I think, right?
James Kennison:
Yeah. All right, well, it’s time for us to get the heck out of Dodge. Thank you so much, everybody. Do you have a funny life story? Could you use an extra $50? I bet you could submit your story at that story show, where you can also find links to our Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Discord. We’re even on TikTok now. And if you love the show, spread the love by leaving an itunes review. Special thanks to our producers james spangler, Kerry Wright and Christopher tynan. And remember, if something weird, painful or embarrassing happens to you, like being punched in the nuts, don’t get stressed, don’t get depressed. Just turn around so they can punch you in the butt instead and think, hey, this belongs on that story show. We’ll see you guys next week. Thanks, John. Thanks, James. Thanks, David. Wherever you went. Yeah, it was too soon. It was too soon.
John Steinklauber:
Maybe we can call him back.
James Kennison:
David’s dude, Baker. I’m missing like a laker. He’s not a basketball player because he was too white like a salt shaker. Hey, I did it. I pulled it off. Yeah. All right, let’s sing about Eden being.
John Steinklauber:
Able to buy some new clothes.
James Kennison:
I don’t know if I have time. Let’s see. Eden so wet, she needs some new clothes? She needs a new skirt and blouse pantyhose? She got them soaked in some pea water as thick as she could? But you know what? It didn’t do no good because her daddy probably saw her while she ran across the hall? You flatten against the wall trying to keep from falling anyway, that’s all it.
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