If you’re looking for some hilarious and relatable stories, don’t miss this episode of That Story Show! Lori has an accident at Subway. David gets yelled at for turning off a dryer. Kayrie’s single friend gets flashed. J steps on a bird. Discussions on remembering names, beauty mark placement and their historical significance. Tune in now and share a laugh with us!
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Transcript:
Welcome to that story show where we tell your hilarious real life stories. Hey, podcast people, I’m your host. My name is James Kennison and I am John Steinklauber and James.
This week on that story show, Lori falls for Subway. David gets yelled at for turning off a dryer. What? Yeah, I don’t know Kyrie’s single friend kind of gets hit on
kind
of And Jay steps on something that’s
not leaves. Oh, well, on this show, it can only be 1 thing.
Yeah, I guess.
It’s not a big tease.
I don’t know, it could be, it could have been, it could be Legos could have stepped on Legos. Yeah, crunchy
We’ll see. We’ll see. Hi. How you been doing?
Good I yeah, yeah, it’s you know, it’s it’s it’s it’s It’s the week before a long weekend. Right? Labor Day
is coming up on Monday.
Yeah, so congratulations on all of our people who get to take a day off on Monday. And if you’re not 1 of those people, I am sorry.
Yeah. Thank you for your service. Yes. You’re the people that Labor Day was created for that’s what the ironic thing Yeah Yeah
But yes here we are and and you know We have to fit all that extra time that we don’t work on Monday into the days around it.
So, yeah, yeah, I was working on the website that I’m in charge of. And it was getting really close to 4 30 and I was really knee deep in something. And I, I like just undid everything. So, yeah, because there’s no saving a draft. It was either post it or not, you know, and I’m like, okay, I’ll just cut and paste this into notepad. Because I ain’t going to get no call. Like we can’t buy, you know, squeegees. You know, I don’t want to get fired. I just, I just got there. You know, I just got
the seat. Yeah.
You just memorized everybody’s names and you’re making good friendships.
You would think, but I, I am the worst about that. Do you ever do that where you go to meet a new person? Maybe you’re not, but I, I’m like, hi, My name is James. What’s your name? And they’ll be like, I’m skippity-doo. And immediately, I don’t even immediately forget. I don’t think I even listen to their name.
So you’re thinking about the next thing that you need to talk to them about. And then it’s like, oh, they said a name in there somewhere.
I seriously don’t have the capacity in that situation to store anything in RAM, much less on the hard drive in my head. Like, I don’t know, man. I don’t know. I think I’d forget my own name if I didn’t have it tattooed on my butt.
Okay, how does that even work? I’m curious.
I carry a little mirror around. So I had it written backwards.
Ah, mirrored image. Yeah. Cause if you didn’t, your name would be
some ish. I don’t remember now. I’m going to mark that.
To but
tattooed, but yeah, I just don’t remember anybody’s name. So I’ve got like a half dozen people down, which is better than anything. But what I’ve done is I grab a notepad and I look, when they introduce themselves to me, I look to where they go and I write down where they sit. Nice. So I’m like, Brian is the dude all the way in the back. I literally have his written down. And then I’m like, Cindy sits behind you idiot. You know, don’t forget her out of all the people. So yeah.
She can see your name except it’s backwards.
No, she has never seen my name. We’re not that close.
Oh. It’s So it’s not in a conspicuous location.
No, no, it is not in a conspicuous location. It’s like where they signed Cabbage Patch dolls. Oh, on their cheek.
Yeah. Yeah, I gotcha.
Yeah. I
don’t want to be too personal, but is it the left
or the skin? I don’t know. Is it in comic sans serif or papyrus? Papyrus would have hurt too bad. So we went with a nice thick comic sans.
Comic sans. Yeah. Nice. I don’t have any tattoos.
Oh really? Because I
can remember my name. Yeah.
I have 1. I have 1 on my right hand. It’s a Buzz Lightyear. I’ll show it to
the camera. It’s
beautiful. It’s upside down because I can’t turn my arm weird, but.
You’d have to stand on your
hands. I would, and I’d just be very uncomfortable for me. We always start with an opening story. This one’s a voicemail from Lori in Texas. I like to call it the wrong way to do Subway. Here we go.
Hey, this is Lori from Texas. And I have to clear something up. In episode 472, The dark episode, your words, not mine. The appearance of my face was in question. I just want to tell everyone that I have a decent looking face despite the ice ball to the lip and the tennis ball to the eye. My husband can see very well and he loves my face. But you did remind me of another story where my face was targeted. It seems that something happens to my face about every 15 years or so. I was working in a
town about an hour and a half from my home. I went to Subway for lunch. There was only 1 person in front of me in line, but she had a really large order. After about 10 minutes, I finally got to place my order. When I went to pay, I was told that the lady with the large order paid for mine. I was so struck by her kindness that I teared up. I got my food and headed out to the car. I had only been in this subway 1 other time. It was an odd shaped parking lot
and sidewalk. With tears in my eyes, I stepped off the curb, not realizing that there was a curb. I went to my knees and face planted, breaking my glasses into 5 pieces and cutting a huge gash above my right eye. Blood was everywhere. My shirt was covered. I called a nurse friend who was in town. She bandaged me up, said I should get stitches, but I didn’t listen. I had an extra pair of glasses with me, so I was able to drive home. He healed nicely, even without stitches. It’s amazing how well God can heal us.
My face is fine.
Just a couple
of small scars, hardly noticeable. Have a good day.
Bye. Thanks. Thanks for, right then. I remember her story. You’ll have to go back and listen to it, but she got struck in the face quite a few times and I might’ve made fun of her a little bit about that. And so she felt like she had to call in. And you know, I’m just gonna say this. I don’t believe anything you said about your face because you have had many damages and you said you admitted to having scars on your face. I think the lady paid for your sub sandwich because She felt sorry for you.
That’s terrible, James.
You can’t say that. Lori’s a faithful listener.
She is a faithful listener. And we love all of our listeners, no matter how ugly they are. Jeez. But she confessed to the healing
power of God and she did not need stitches even though she did. And I believe that God restored every single beauty mark
on
her face.
Another name for a mole? Now you’re adding on stuff I hadn’t even thought of. I mean, isn’t that a beauty mark is a well placed mole like a socially acceptable mole. Like if it’s on your nose, that’s gross. But if it’s just right there where a dimple would be, Marilyn Monroe style, it’s amazing.
Do you know, I learned something today that in Victoria, I think it was Victorian era, they would actually draw on a beauty mark, quote unquote. And where that beauty mark was located on a lady’s face implied something about their character.
Oh, really? Yeah. So- It did. All right, Let’s just skip to the 1 question I want to ask. What was bad? Where was the bad place to put a mark? To say you had bad character and bad ambitions and bad intentions.
There were a few locations around your mouth that, if it was over your lip, I think that it was like, you were being discreet about your relationships.
Okay.
And if it was under your mouth like or on your chin or something like that it meant something about it was like Most people, you know,
I’m here respectable
people Yeah, yeah, I think that’s what it was. Yeah.
Yeah, I’m here to party. Okay All right, It’s good to know if I ever go back in time and I’m hitting on some hot Victorian chick, I can read the room. It’s like visual braille. Read the room. But yeah, Victorian era, man. That was the place to be if you were into debauchery, from what I understand. It’s like every movie that takes place in that period where men wore high heels and They’re up to extramarital pie, as me and my wife call it for some reason. We always call it extramarital pie. Yeah. If you’re not eating
the pie at your own house, it’s extramarital pie.
Ah, That’s a good way to put it.
I don’t know I think 1 of us misspoke 1 time and was trying to say something else and we just it’s stuck, you know
became pie
anyway, We let’s do a news nugget. We missed it last week All right there was a man arrested for training his dog to throw bricks at people that were ringing his doorbell.
Wait, what? Throw bricks at people?
Yeah. In March 2024, An Asian man was arrested for training his dog to throw bricks down on people who were ringing his doorbells after photos of his pit bull holding bricks in its mouth went viral. So he’s up on the roof of the house, this flat roof, you know, house. Gotcha. Yeah. He’s got, there’s a stack of these pavers, these paving bricks, you know, like a retaining wall type brick and this freaking huge dog chomping down on him. And he’s been trying to drop them on their heads. I would kill somebody.
Well, it depends on how high up it is. I mean, I’ve seen Home Alone 2 and he was he was up a few stories and he was throwing those bricks and those guys were fine
Yeah that that movie had it Had it shown actual damage would have been beyond a hard R rating Yeah, there’s no way there’s no way I just imagined somebody dropping a brick from an inch above my head. How, that would leave a mark.
That would hurt.
It would hurt. It would probably give you a headache. So, you know, add 15 feet to that and then pile on that it’s a stupid dog. I’ve been, I don’t like dogs. And so if a dog hit me with a brick, yeah, it would be insult and injury. Yeah. And yeah, you wouldn’t even have the strength to throw it back. And dogs are so dag, you know, agility, agility. Agile? Agile. Yeah, that’s the word.
That’s the word.
I actually read the words that pop up in my head. So I mispronounced the word I was reading. I don’t know if I actually do that, but that’s what that sounded like. Like Fregile.
Fregile. It must be Italian. Here’s a real kicker to that story. Yeah. Why didn’t, if he didn’t want people ringing his doorbell, why didn’t he just get rid of the
doorbell? I know, I know. But I think he was up to something. I think he just wanted to hurt people. And That’s why he got arrested. But my question is, did they take care of the dog? Did they take the dog because you arrest the guy, right? And then somebody comes to visit him while he’s in jail and the dog still dropping blocks from the ceiling. It doesn’t really take care of the problem, does it? No. I’m expecting the next week story is 20 Asian people were put in the hospital because this dude wasn’t around to
untrain his dog. So
does the dog have to go to some kind of therapy to unlearn how to drop bricks?
You know, how would you first teach a dog? You know, he’s just down on his hands and knees, the owner. And he’s just like, okay, when you hear this sound, grab a brick and drop it off the scene. I don’t know how you do that. You start, I guess, from puppyhood and you get him to hate that sound. Ding dong, and then just hit him with something. Yeah, and he gets riled up every time he hears it. And then what’s the next step?
You have to give him a brick. And then when he holds the brick and drops it,
you give him a treat. Yeah. Yep. So he hates doorbells. He knows that there’s something coming. You give him something to do to make the doorbell sound. Yeah. Okay. And, and then what?
You have to, you have to take 1 to the team for the teen and you have to let him drop that brick on your head.
Okay, so you’re wearing a helmet of some kind, obviously, because you don’t want to die.
You don’t want to die.
You want, you’re trying to kill others, you know, safety first, even if, even with murderers concerned, you know, safety first. So, jeez. I just, I don’t know. I had to untrain that once you’ve done it. That’s the thing. It’s like, now we’re going to like people. I just say crate training, you
know, in spray bottles. Isn’t that the thing? Isn’t that what
you use with dogs? No, all I didn’t know about this. Do you put water?
Yeah.
I knew you could do that with foster kids, but dogs. Yeah. I’m pretty sure that spray bottle with water, with water
in them. Not to anything that would hurt
the animal. Caustic, not anything caustic.
Right. Yeah. Just water. Just water. You spray them. Apparently they don’t like that. I mean, for me, that’d be a treat. Yeah. As hot as it’s been around here lately, I’ll be doing bad stuff all day. Just spray me in the face with that.
I’ll be bricking 100 people a day. Yeah. John, you’re a bad dog. You’re a bad dog. All right.
Don’t throw me in the Briar Patch.
We’re going to get right back to more of your hilarious stories right after these brief messages. Alright, let’s do some featured stories! [“Let Me Tell Y’all Stories”] Alright, we got some middle school drama.
Move out of the way, stupid.
It’s called Dang Dry Arts from David in Portland, Oregon. My story is a real LBB story. Oh, I didn’t, I didn’t realize that. We have that too.
1 of the many tools of the devil.
So we were going to Canada for a big trip in the summer with some friends. I’ve never been to Canada. My wife says
it’s beautiful. It’s pretty nice. I’ve been to 2 different parts of Canada. Yeah. Been to Quebec and Montreal. Montreal? No. Where’s a place on the west side?
Don’t ask me. Quebec is the only thing that I can name. And that’s just because you said it.
I’ve been to Toronto and I’ve been to Calgary. Oh. There we go. Okay. And then a bunch of space in between, cause remember I took that road trip with my friend Phil, and all the space in between is pretty much nothing except for planes and fields. Yeah, I saw. And it is gorgeous, but it’s not much there.
I saw a map of the actual populated areas of Canada and there ain’t much of it. No, it’s crazy. They’re all confined in these few areas. It’s mostly near the states and the shorelines, you know, it’s crazy.
Yep. It’s beautiful, though, especially the Rocky Mountains area there near Portland and Oregon heard
a comedian the other day talking about Canada and America and how Canada’s a lot like America except it’s like you could tell they came from the same family, except there was a divorce and Canada went with mom, who was all like, what can I do for you? You know, let’s teach you to be polite and kind and America got stuck with dad. Let’s get some guns and some beers and some trucks Blow stuff up
So That’s a good
analogy. Yeah, I thought it was hilarious. But anyway, so he gets to go to Canada. This David character, he says, 1 of my best friends was going with us and his family and downstairs was the laundry room and dryer. And there was a problem with the dryer, it just, it wouldn’t stop. So it would just go for the whole night if you didn’t manually stop it. So my best friend’s mom had put some clothes in the dryer. Actually, he says cloths, cloths in the dryer. It’s middle school drama. Were they swaddling cloths? Yeah. That afternoon, and
then like at 10 PM, it was still going. So I go up to the stairs and I tell my mom, and she says, I just go turn it off so it won’t start a fire. So I went downstairs, didn’t know it could have started a fire. Really concerned, a little scared, a little scared now. So while I was down there, my friend’s mom walks in and she looks at me and I’m not kidding, she starts screaming her head off. She’s like, what are you doing? And me being terribly embarrassed, I said that, well, it’s been going
like for 10 hours and my mom told me to turn it off. And she looks at me and she says, It’s my clothes in there and so I’m responsible. Oh, I felt so bad. Man, I’m sure I blushed. See, that’s you could tell he’s middle school because. Yeah. When you get older, you can. Yeah. The misspellings is 1 of them. I blu shed.
I blu shed.
Ron’s own blu sh. Ron’s own blu sh. He also said that she looked at me. Looked at me. She ate me. I’m hungry. I went and told my mom what had just happened. Happened. Happened. And she went and talked with my friend’s mom. Now here’s where it gets good. She wouldn’t apologize. That’s not good. That’s an LBB for real. 1 of the
many tools of the
devil. Love your show. Keep doing what you’re doing. Hope this makes it on the show. David from Portland, Oregon.
So that was middle school drama, LBB and just a serious misfortune of events.
Yeah. Yeah. I don’t know why you got yelled at. She must have been having some other problems because I don’t know, I don’t know if your wife’s like this, But if I’m just doing fine, you know, like doing fine, everything’s fine, I don’t know, I’m just doing something. And all of a sudden I get yelled at. Like I initially, back when we were first married, I would come back at her full strength. What’s going on? Why are you doing this? Yeah! You match your energy. I didn’t do anything. Yeah. And now that I’m old, I’m like,
this ain’t me. There’s something else going on. Let’s find out. I say, baby, you need to talk? What’s going on? Who hurt you? I’m on your team. I don’t want to be against you. I am for you. I’m here for you, sweetie. I have learned many a lesson, and that is the best 1 of all, is that I am on her side, no matter if she’s wrong or right. And so when this lady, if my wife ever came and yelled at me and said, my cousin is my responsibility, I’d be like, what’s going on, sweetie? What’s
going on? You just made a middle schooler cry. What’s going on?
Yeah. Now, I will say as being a perpetual middle schooler myself that the sensitivity level is a little bit heightened as a middle schooler.
So she might’ve came in
and just said, hey, it’s my responsibility, I’ll take care of it. But in the middle school brain that translates to…
He wrote it in all caps.
All caps, yeah.
And so I had to scream it.
You did, and that may be how it happened, but it might also just be, you know, sensitive middle school. You know
what I’d have done? Middle schooler in me would have slammed that door and hit the start button again and just walked out without telling mom or nobody. Nobody would know. And it would dry until they shrunk down to mice clothes. Mice clothes? Yep. Freaking the clothes that Cinderella made for Gus and Toot Toot or whatever it is. Jack? Jock? All of them. Yeah, all of them. So it’s not right that Gus Gus got a short shirt. Yeah, right. I mean, he was fat. That’s all he got too.
If I remember, didn’t some of the other mice, didn’t they have like pants and stuff?
I don’t think anybody had pants.
Okay.
And that’s okay. That’s cartoon. That’s just what you get when you’re a cartoon. Sometimes you get pants like Mickey. Sometimes you don’t like Donald Duck. And that’s okay. If you got pants, Pluto don’t. It’s in the same universe, you can do that. But yeah, if you’re a well-sized rotund mouse and you’re with a loving princess to be, you would think she would have done something that was a little more slimming.
Yeah, because she had the time
to make
them clothes.
She did it out of the kindness of her heart except for the fat mouth. She’s like, let me make 1 a little tank top for him so his gut can show.
You know what? I bet you she made his last and that’s all the material she had.
Yeah, you’re so nice, John.
No, I’m just saying, she probably should have thought it through a little better.
Don’t you know we’re not supposed to be on Disney’s side anymore? We’re supposed to hate on Disney, man. Overpriced theme park full of jerks. Screw it up, Star Wars! Blah, blah, blah, blah.
Oh yeah, and it’s the fans’ fault that They were so bad at Star Wars. It’s the fans fault, don’t you know?
Yeah, so get angry.
Yeah, I don’t care.
Okay, I don’t either.
I can match your level of frustration.
Okay, Yeah, if Disney was my wife, I’d pull her aside right now and just say, what happened? What happened to you? What did
Star Wars do
to you? Did you want to beat it up so bad? So is it K-ry? Am I saying that right? K-ry? K-ry? I can’t remember.
K-A-Y-R-I-E. Yeah. And she didn’t pronounce it phonetically.
No, but I remember meeting her at an ArthexCon this year. She was the brightest little spot of sunshine in the whole place. Oh, yeah. I think it is
Kyrie.
Kyrie. Okay. Her whole family came from Berryville, Arkansas, just because she asked them to. And she was, She was a thrill to have in the audience. Absolutely. Yeah. And she won some Starbucks, if I remember right.
So I wonder if she got to have it. I don’t know. Or did mom and dad take it
all? I hope they, if they did, cause I know Some people don’t want their kids having caffeine. Maybe they gave her the money, you know, $10.
I bet you they let her drink it all in 1 shot.
All right, Kyrie, if they did, we need to know. We need to know how did that work out? Did you cry because you won this prize and they took it and sold it to somebody for money to buy drugs? Or did that not happen at all? And you got to drink, you know, a cup of latte. Or, you know,
They do have other drinks at Starbucks,
like water. Bright. Right. Anyway, this is called… They got them cake pops too. Do they? You know, I don’t trust cake pops. Why? Okay. Oh no. They’re excess cake, right? You’ve seen these made and they smoosh them up in their hands, right? And then they put them on a stick and then they dunk them in chocolate or icing or some sort of thing. Right? Yeah. Yeah, that’s right. To me, it just feels like they did it in their mouth and spit it out and stuck it on a pipe and dunked it in the icing. I don’t
know why I feel this way about cake pops, but just it’s no different than making meatballs. And I have no problem with a well-made meatball, but something about cake pops makes me feel like somebody just balled it up, you know? In your mouth. In your mouth and spit it out on a lollipop stick and said, you know what? This is the easiest way to do that. I don’t know. I don’t like
crushed cake. I used to like them. I don’t think I want to eat them anymore.
I don’t eat them at all because of that. I can’t get that image out of my head that it’s been made in the mouth of a Pinterest enthusiast.
There’s something they found on their Pinterest board.
And I
can do that. I can do it better.
I can
do it with my mouth.
I don’t even need to read the instructions on how it’s done. I already have a method. Try it in true.
I saw it on TikTok, but I got a better method.
I used to do it with my big league chew. I can do it with this bread, this sugar bread. It’ll be great. Anyway, this is called Bright Fright. Bright Fight. My bad.
Bright Fight. Bright Fight. And I think if we pronounced her name wrong, she’s going to let us know next week for sure. Yes,
please do. Hi, James and John. Love your show. Keep them coming. Well, a while back in our church, we had a youth service in the gym reserved, with the gym reserved for afterwards. Since they didn’t have to go, my parents decided to go on a date and leave me and my siblings with a single lady in our church named Mackenzie. Okay. All the single ladies, all the single ladies. All the single ladies. Put your hands up and now you get stuck with some Kids. You don’t got nothing else to do, so watch our children.
Is that how that song goes?
Yeah, it’s exactly how it goes actually. Beyonce. I thought so.
As Beyonce wrote it.
Beyonce had it right. And spoke it. The service finished and Mackenzie took me and my siblings to McDonald’s. We ordered our food and paid and drove up to the last window and the truck behind us had these super bright headlights and it was right through the back glass, bouncing off the rear mirror and right into Mackenzie’s face. So Mackenzie starts putting her hand in front of the mirror and waving her hand up and down trying to get, I guess, the attention of the guy behind him. Finally the guy turns off his lights. Problem solved, right?
Nope.
Yes. The man starts turning his lights on and off Clearly on purpose.
Oh, that’s not cool. That is not cool
All of us trying to ignore it and keep McKenzie from getting out of the car because she wanted to go tell him to his face How annoying it was? Yeah, it’s no use going up to somebody in their car when you’re a Christian. Like if you’re a bad Christian, go for it. But if you’re really trying to be a Christian, don’t get out of your car because you will get told off and you can’t swear back at them. And so you can’t use any really good stuff. The best thing you’ll come up with is, oh yeah,
your mom. And that’s it.
Cause that sometimes answers the Question though.
I know that because I stepped to a guy a little while back and he was recording me as I was standing near my son’s crashed car. And his joke was, you can’t park here.
You can’t.
And I’m like, you freaking millennial. You think this is funny? You dad got millennial and he’s like, boop, beep, boop, beep, beep, beep. And I’m like, yeah, your mom. And that was it. That’s all I could say. And I just silently said to myself, never, ever, ever step to anyone ever again, because you can’t, you can’t say cuss words. You can’t be mean. You can’t flip the bird. You’re not even supposed to do anything that would lead to a sin, you know? So if you’re getting out of a car, walking to somebody who’s been flashing their
lights, you better be ready for some repentance afterwards, or, you know, what is it? I prefer sacrifice to repentance, I think is what the good Lord says. Obedience. Obedience to sacrifice.
Obedience is better than sacrifice.
Yeah, Yeah, so, you know, it’s better just to not do it in the first place. So, it’s a good thing basically that the kids were keeping McKinsey in the car. So they’re keeping her saved. So you don’t know how hard it is to be saved people. It’s not all judging Disney all day. You know, it’s not all hating on alternative lifestyles. You’d think that would be fun, but it’s not. It’s hard work. No, just kidding.
It is. It’s not, you know how much restraint I have to practice to be able to keep up this angel personification that you claim I have? No. It’s, it’s tiring. You should see me when the camera’s not on.
Yeah. It’s just. Dang it. See, I think you’re full of crap. See, that’s me swearing at you. Stop, you’re hurting my feelings. So anyway, she wanted to go tell him how annoying it was. Then he drove out of place in line and pulled up beside us. He looked at McKenzie through the window and said, hey, you lot my bright lights. And she responds and says, yeah, they’re really bright and illegal. So the man laughs and drives, he guns it into 1 of the waiting for order spots. So this must have been it like Chick-fil-A. That’s McDonald’s.
No, they don’t have those spots. Only Chick-fil-A has those spots, bud. Chick-fil-A has the pre-orders, but at our McDonald’s, because they can’t get your order out to
you in time, they’ve got reserved spots
for where you have to wait. I’ve only seen it at Culver’s and Chick-fil-A. And our McDonald’s could care less. You sit there for a half hour. You just sit there, you know, just pull up. But where do I go?
Just just pull up somewhere.
We don’t care. We don’t care. Just go around. Go around again.
Yeah, you’re going to get out and go inside and get your food anyway. So just pull up pull up.
So he guns it and he stops. We got our food and we drove toward the exit and we were waiting in traffic so we could leave. And we heard the man say something. So McKenzie rolls down her window and said, what? The man yelled from his spot, bye darling. Oh, we drove down the street, laughing our heads off. And McKenzie was beat red from the fact that she just got hit on in front of a bunch of kids by a total jerk at McDonald’s, so it wasn’t McDonald’s. Okay. Hope it makes it on the show. It
did. It sure did. It sure did.
We made it.
We need to know what happened. Poor Mackenzie. I know. I mean, did
she get his number or?
She was read from me called darling. You got to respect a man though that can flirt unabashedly.
You know, yeah, after being offensive, right?
Well, that is his way. You know, I, I always got nervous and couldn’t even talk. And then on the other end of the spec, somewhere in the middle, you got a guy that can talk to a woman without getting stressed out and be pleasurable. And then on the far end, you got this dude who’s just like ain’t no women gonna like me so I’m flirting all day long you don’t like my headlights blinkety blinkety blinkety let’s go see what this woman looks like. I’m gonna flash with my bright lights and then I’m gonna hit on ya.
I like it when you use your deep voice. Thank you. This 1 called Sticky Steps and it’s our last story. It’s from Jay in Kansas and is my favorite. Usually I take my dog Humphrey outside 1 last time to do his business before bed. However, on this particular night, I was getting to bed later than normal and he had already put himself down. So I didn’t want to disturb him. So I went to bed full of knowledge that I may need to get up in the middle of the night. And he did and I did too.
So I walked downstairs, I opened the door and we went outside and 1 of our cats greeted us. It was dark 30 in the morning. I didn’t have my glasses. It was very dark, but I could see enough to step around some leaves on the steps. So I had no worries about going out barefoot into the concrete driveway. Well, that didn’t work out so well, did it? Because you wouldn’t have a story if it did. So I urged Humphrey off the porch and he went to take care of business. And after he had finished, we headed
back inside and I noticed these leaves again. I didn’t think much about them. They were often leaves that get blown there by the wind however my dog seemed very interested in these leaves and they were blowing around quite freely so as I look around at what Humphrey is interested in, I strain to make out the details through my distorted vision in the low light and I stepped on something. What else could it be? You know, it’s that story show. What could it be? I was surprised. Is it brownies? I felt it crush under my bare feet.
You crushed. It felt sticky. Reaching around for the light switch, I turned on the porch light to investigate the situation with the added light. My brain can finally decipher the scene. What I thought were leaves were not leaves. They were not, it was not poop, but the bright red plumage of a now deceased cardinal that the cats had found. Oh no. And what had I stepped on? Those were the leaves. What did I stepped on? It’s dismembered head. Oh, it was sticky. Sticky. Why was it sticky? The brains, man. What’s in the box? I instantly think
of how I could have avoided this situation. I could have grabbed shoes. I could have turned on the light. I could have forced my dog to take care of his crap before bed, but it was all too late. The damage had been done. I scraped what I could of the bird off my foot. I rushed my dog in and cleaned up as well as I could, scrubbing my feet until they felt clean. And then I scrubbed more. My brother later informed me that he was woken by all the noise and wondered why I took a shower
at 3 a.m. I had no apologies. I did what I needed to do at the time. And the whole time I’m thinking to myself, when something weird, annoying or bird related happens to you. Don’t get stressed. Don’t get depressed. Just call that story show. So I had to take a shower because I stepped on a dead bird’s head. I love it when people think of us. So when something bad happens, they’re like, this is my next story for the show.
That’s right. That should be your first thought or maybe the second thought.
Yeah. Well, we’re like the ambulance chasers that advertise on the side of the road. They’re like, your first call should be 911. Your second call should be mine. You know, that story show. Tell us how terribly embarrassing that moment was for you in detail We used to have a 800 number. I should have put that on the thing. Make sure if you’re in a true emergency, call 911. Hang up and call 911 right now. If you’re not, please stay online and tell us all the gory details.
That would be good. That would be good. We can figure that out.
We can figure it out. We’re the, we’re the ambulance chasers of podcasting. That’s right. We just want it
for your stories. We want
your juicy stories. That’s it. We got a couple of announcement hats are still available. Nobody bought 1 last week. So you get to hear the announcement again, etsy.com slash nlcast. I’m about to put some more products on there. I’ve got key chains and I got stickers.
So just in time for fall.
I’ll announce those. Yeah. I mean, Christmas is rolling around. I had, I got an idea for a shirt today that I’m thinking about doing. I’ll be, I’ll be announcing that soon too. It’s based on last week’s episode.
So, oh, yeah. Troph racers. No. What was that? It was that guy was trough racers, right?
It was race trough is what race trough. Yeah. Oh, this podcast is possible because of our supporting listeners on Patreon. Get that story show premium. That includes ad free listening swag and a weekly bonus podcast. Last week’s went on for 45 bonus minutes. Whoa, what
were those guys rambling on about this time?
Dude is like a whole extra podcast every week. So try it out free for 7 days. Patreon.com slash that story show Again, patreon.com slash That Story Show. Special thanks to our producers, James Spangler, Kerry Wright, and Christopher Tynan. That is us for today. Do you have a funny story that you’d like featured on a future episode? Sure you do. Submit your story at thatstorieshow.com where you can type it or talk it. While you’re there join our mailing list for the latest updates. Please take a moment, leave a review on iTunes or Spotify and remember when something
weird, annoying or bird related happens to you, don’t get stressed, don’t get depressed, just think, hey, this belongs on that story show. Soon as I get this bird brain scrubbed off my feet. I was in line at McDonald’s, minding my own biz, when the sky’s headlights came on, he tried to turn on Riz. I don’t really know what it means but I think he was trying to hit me with something brighter than lightning. So I tried to tell him, stop it, get away from here. But he pulled up beside me and said, what’s up, dear? This
is me. It’s how I flirt and it’s not very good. I’ve got a couple deer antlers attached to my hood. So he pulled up into a lane far ahead. And we got our stuff just stuffed in some bread. And we passed it out and drove and waited on some traffic. That guy wasn’t done, man. He said something sickly. So we rolled down our window, said, Hey, what’s going on? He looked back at us and say, I am from now on. And he says, no, I ain’t down for that. I’m just trying to feed these kids while
their parents on a date.
That 1 was different.
It was. Sorry.
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