EP 213: Westinghouse Showerhead

John’s a ranting fool this week. He’s got problems with Westinghouse and isn’t afraid to rant in a calm voice about it!

This week you’ll laugh as James’s son tries to read book full of the’s. John hates his broken Westinghouse TV. James takes a selfie but his daughter didn’t know. John’s Man Room is almost done and ready for business.  James wants to steal a bike. John’s got a bloody nose and things that HH Gregg sucks. Andrea gets offended that I hate her. James has a rear neck beard and hates shower heads. Elizabeth dumps on her roommate Sam. J.J. finally gets his story read. So does homeschool kid Jon from 1/2013. You’ve never listened to a more heavily edited show.

News Stuff:

  • James was interviewed on the new show the Patreon Podcast by Chris Cowan. So was our buddy Ethan Nicolle!
  • James wrote a Frozen parody song of “Do You Want To Build A Snowman” called “Do You Wanna Cook Some Bacon?”
  • We have 465 iTunes reviews… which is amazingly insane. Thanks so much! Please consider leaving your review!
  • Patreon supporters got their reward packs this week. Some took pictures and said some awesome things. Thanks Lauren Mack, Jani Strzepek, K Walker and Aaron!
  • James audio journal, The Gospel of Kennison has been updated. Check it out!
  • Article: Thoughts On Podcast Structure: Part 1 – What Is Your Topic?
  • Article: Children’s Ministry: A View From Outside
  • Do you podcast for fun? Join The Hobby Podcaster group on Facebook.
  • Join us LIVE every Tuesday night at 9:30pm EST


Show Transcript (First 20 minutes):

Hey guys this is Nobody’s Listening, everybody’s got a funny life story. It is the funny story podcast episode 213 project week of May 15, 2014. I am your host, my name is James Kennison and with me as always is John “Panera Idiot” Steinklauber, welcome back John.

John: [Laughing] thanks.

James: Remember when I used to do that and give you little…

John: Yes

James: …nicknames

John: Nicknames… based on something that I have said at some point in time.

James: Yeah, so the chat room helps me figure it out, they actually said Panera                                                                                                    basket but I was like I can make that one better

John: [Laughing] Panera idiot, I mean the other guy is.

James: I mean that was last episode sometimes they all kinda run together for me      so…

John: Yeah

James: Ok, so, hey, Christian, you heard me mention him on top of the show as one of the announcers, supporters, he gave not through Patreon but directly through PayPal and he gave $10 which means not only will you get mentioned but we would read something from him on the show, he said, “I don’t have any message I just want you to do knock-knock joke” so I pull through all the knock-knock jokes that I know that are good… which is zero and…

John: [Laughing]

James: …I mean there’s this interrupting cow, it’s really, really, really funny, the first time you hear it, um… you’ve never heard the interrupting cow?

John: I’m not sure, it kind of sounds familiar

James: Well I’ll tell you later if you haven’t heard that one but I do have one that’s really good…

John: Ok

James: … I’m going to do that to you, here we go alright, you start it though

John: Ok, knock-knock

James: Who’s there?

John: Um…

James: [laughing]

John: Your butt is there?

James: That’s knock-knock joke in the world, thank you so much.

John: Oh man it sucks.

James: Cue the cheers in the background, crowds laughing and cheering

John: Ha ha ha ha

James: Now I’ll do the cow, knock-knock

John: Who’s there?

James: The interrupting cow

John: The interrupting…

James: Moo! [laughing]

John: I didn’t think I did hear that one sounds familiar

James: [laughing]

John: No I just, when you interrupted and said moo

James: All the home school kids, they never get to hear jokes at all…

John: [laughing]

James: …except for their dads, so they’ll appreciate it.

John: Well, there you go

James: [Sighs]

John: I wanna think of a knock-knock joke except I can’t think of any.

James: There is not like ahhh… knock-knock

John: Who’s there?

James: Honey bee

John: Honey bee who?

James: Honey bee, a dear and get me a soda, I mean that’s, that’s average.

John: Oops! I just came up with one.

James: Alright.

John: Knock-knock.

James: Who’s there?

John; Do you want to build a snowman?

James: [Laughing]

Both: [Laughing]

James: That’s the saddest knock-knock joke ever ‘cause the answer is, “Go away Anna!”

Both: [laughing]

John: It’s shut up and stop singing the song.

James: Speaking of that song, I was gonna say this during the news segment but our good friend, Erik Fisher is a huge bacon enthusiast and I followed him on twitter, he talking about bacon all the time.

John: He is made out of bacon.

James: He is a son and daughter of a bacon couple and so he challenged us, oh he didn’t challenge, he challenged me whether he know it or not, he said somebody needs to do, must be done, needs to be a parody of Do You Want To Build A Snowman called Do You Wanna Cook Some Bacon and this week I decided to take that on as a personal challenge and I did that I remixed…

John: Did it in like 5 minutes

James: …the song, it did not take five minutes, it took all day but thank you and it sounded like it was done in 5 minutes but if you go to jameskennison.com and you go there and if its years in the future, search for cook bacon or whatever and you’ll hear me sing. It’s not just a parody about bacon, it’s a story.

John: Story

James: It is story about a man’s obsession with bacon…

John: It’s awesome.

James: …and how it destroys its marriage

John: So…

James: Because he’s so persistent with the need for bacon

John: [laughing]

James: It could be like self-narrative for somebody one day.

John: Yeah

James: Somebody might be able to avoid a lot of heartache and heartburn and clogged arteries if they go and listen to that song. So it’s not gonna be on iTunes for any amount of money so you gotta to go get it free over at jameskennison.com so there you go.

John: And it’s really, really good I gotta say.

James: So you have heard it.

John: Oh yeah.

James: Awesome.

John: Yeah, I liked it but I don’t like the one about the snowman.

James: I wanna redo it there was just some words that I would do differently like when he says “You used to cook me breakfast” and I would have liked him to say “You use to cook me bacon. Now it’s this that and the other. What was I supposed to do?” [mumbling] Whatever, whatever.

John: No, I like the whole breakfast bit of it, ‘cause the eggs and the toast and…

James: Yeah.

John: … it’s good, I liked it. I think I would like to see a video to it so.

James: I would like it too, I have nary a clue in the world what it would look like, it would either have to be fully produced with the characters and people and court scenes and stuff or it would have to be an animated, you know like Angry Orange or Annoying Orange or a piece of bacon and a mouth is just singing it, you know. One of the two.

John: Mr. Baconski.

Both: [laughing]

James: Did you get that? Cause that was her name Mrs. Baconski but you… but…

John: Oh! I haven’t seen the movie

James: No, no, no, no, [laughs] in my song, it’s all behind the scenes. At the very end the judge says Mrs. Baconski, but it’s spelled bacon-ski you know… pronounced

John: Yeah… I got that…

James: Ok

John: I didn’t know if it were like a play-off of one of the people’s names in the movie…

James: No, I just totally made it up based off bacon.

John: Awesome

James: Not real creative here, I mean I am, but within the boundaries of I didn’t have to think that hard kind of thing.

John: Men… it was… it makes me hungry for bacon.

James: Yeah it is good.

John: I might have some for breakfast.

James: Speaking about bacon, there’s a lot of folks in the chat room tonight and I wanna mention a few of them. Jesus is in there, did you see him?

John: What! No…

James: A guy named Jesus; he’s got a little Jesus icon…

John: I can see him…

James: He’s in there, Yanush is in there, Jacob and Pancake is in there doing good stuff, Guest773 and Weezy and John Steinklauber?

John: Michael Prince

James: Michael Prince!

John: Yeah, he called us party people

James: Awesome, so you know if you’re missing out and if you haven’t joined us live every Tuesday night or Thursday as it tonight at 9:30pm EST at then you’re missing out. Now, we’ve got a lot of content to get through because I’ve had a crazy week. John has also, I’m sure but I’ve got to get through it so let’s do some Weekly Updates here, I’ll start by saying… just a little one. My son and I have being reading books.

John: That’s good.

James: The goal was to get to 100 books before the end of the year and to do that we realized we needed to read one book a day for the rest of the year or two books and we would get it done in half the time, we’ve relentlessly, I mean every day, long story short we cleared that goal a couple of weeks ago. It’s really awesome and J’s is now convinced he can read every book in the planet. He doesn’t know that I carefully selected books that I can stand listening to him read and so most of them are fairly short, some of them were god-awful long like the equivalent of pre-school novels…

John: [laughs]

James: Seriously, I mean go back in your childhood and look up a Dr. Seuss book. Those things are like encyclopedias compared to books today.

John: I read them at least once a week to my son. In fact I read The Shape of Things tonight.

James: Well, that’s the thing; they were made to read to children…

John: Yes

James: …not to listen to kids read. There’s just too many made up words …

John: Oh! That’s the point that will be though

James: …oh it’s hard but anyway we got through it. And so my son is like, he sees one of my daughter’s books. He’s like, “I wanna read that, I wanna read that,” I’m like “You can’t read this,” you know, “It’s too hard.” He goes “Open it up and see how far I can go.” and so he opens it up. He looks the first page and he goes, “The… ok, I’m done.”

Both: [laughing]

James: And I’m trying to help him out, you know ‘cause its little hard you know. He’s probably crushed a little bit, his little ego. So I flipped through the book and I’m showing him all that closeness of the… you know, the smallness of the words, how many pages are and I say, “Man, this is a big person book. It’s really hard dude, so it’s not a big deal.” And he goes, “Well even if it was all ‘the’s’ it would be very hard to read…

John: [laughing]

James: And am like, “More than you know!”

John: [laughing] The the, the, the…

James: The the the the the the…

John: It’s making me crazy

James: It’s the verb book and it’s a very hard book to read so anyway…

John: The book is very hard to read, yeah

James: That’s all for me, that’s all. That was all the content. Your turn.

John: My turn, well, I wanted to give a Man Room update… cos if…

James: Whoo! Wait a minute. Can you qualify that? It’s a room that you’re hanging out in…

John: It’s like a man-cave also known as a man cave.

James: Man Cave is better than Man Room. Man Room denotes there are posters…

John: …of men! Yeah!